Paindemic

It took me awhile, but I figured out the reason I have been sleeping so much is due to pain.
To say I have been in pain constantly for several years now is an understatement. It does nothing to convey how much pain that is, for one thing, let alone how relentless it feels.

I should note that it's not so much pain itself that causes me to wanna sleep more (if possible) but the energy it consumes.
Pain literally sucks your energy away, and that can be very debilitating and depressing.

Even though I am presently relatively healthy, the pain coursing through my veins is relentless.
Like a bad case of tinnitus it NEVER stops.
This ain't just physical, either, for there is no small degree of psychic pain that boils forth as a result.

I do realize, and have written about in the past, the benefits of pain; how it leads to revelations if you let it, and if you choose not to take the wide n' easy path of victimhood n' bitterness steeped in envy.

Indeed, those who choose the path of victimhood n' bitterness wouldn't have any idea what I mean when I say we should be grateful to God no matter how much pain we may endure.
Or how we can use our pain to help us realize, actualize and transcend on our quest for Truth, Beauty n' Goodness.

No, victimhood n' bitterness will allow dissent (or descent) but never ascent. It may garner pity but it will never permit joy. And what in the hell is pity good for? Absolutely nothin'.

And tell me, who looks forward to hangin' out with bitter folks? I avoid them like the plague if at all possible.
I sincerely hope n' pray that if I EVER begin to get bitter that you all slap me upside the head n' knock some sense back into me. I literally and figuratively mean that (so get yer seebats ready).

It's funny but there was a time, back in my prime, where I knew I was virtually invincible.
And a few times I was knock knock knockin' on Heaven's door (or purgatory).
Vibrant, full of life to an almost lifeless shell. And yet, at my most energetic I was often engaged in a war for my very soul in the depths of despair, while at my closest to death I found myself full of the highest Hope, and the gnoledge that my soul is in Good hands.

Aye. It's good to remember that there are far worse things than mere death, and there is nothin' much better than Life properly ealized (in regards to our Destiny), and all that it brings (Hope, Faith, Love, Truth, Nobility, Honor, Goodness, eauty, etc.)

In that light, I'm sorry to say it's still a bit depressing when I try to imagine what it was like to be pain free and have abundant energy. And it's not a little bit selfish, I reckon.
It wears on me to the point where it's very difficult to function. Good thing we have dogs to walk, or most days I would never get outta bed.

I can hear a voice sayin' "quit your bellyachin' and man up, dammit! Be grateful for what you can do, and be thankful in all things. Trust in your Father. He knows precisely what you feel so you are never alone."

And another voice smoothly sayin' "you ARE a victim. Why won't your God take that pain away? Doesn't He love you? Look at how UNFAIR it all is. You deserve better!"

So you see that although I have decided to never accept victimhood n' bitterness, the choice always remains. Of course, I gno I can't live with the choice of bitterness. I'm just sayin' all this so I don't get coicky or nothin'.

Ha! I forgot what my point is now. Perhaps I jest needed to write this to remind myself why I'm fightin' to begin with. Yeah. I need these reminders sometimes.
Thanks guys for all your prayers and...for bein' you. The best friends a guy could possible ever want. :^)

Today On "As The VA Turns"

Saw Doc yesterday and after a blood test he determined I don't have any major problems with my pancreas, and also ruled out ulcers. I was supposed to get an x-ray too but I thought Doc meant later and not yesterday. Turns out I'll most likely not be needing them anyways.
I'll get more tests if it happens again, but it looks like these symptoms were probably some rare side effects of the meds I take.

Although it's nice to know exactly why this happened, I have learned to deal with not knowing a lot of exactly why's irt my life in general and this disease in particular. Needless to say, I got the point and it was a good draw.
I reckon can live with that...ha ha!

Thanks for your prayers, guys! I do know this: they are of more help than I can ever fully realize! God bless you all! :^)

The Lone Voice: Another stealth tax on the pubs: SWP machines & Amusement Machine Licence Duty (AMLD)

The Lone Voice: Another stealth tax on the pubs: SWP machines & Amusement Machine Licence Duty (AMLD)

Anti-Real, Or, Just Plain Idiotic

"The fact is, any variety of philosophical materialism is not just an attack on religion, but on real science as well. And it is anti-science because it simply isn't true. If science is more than just an impersonal method for putting nature on the rack and getting her to talk, then this sort of naive reductionism must be abandoned."



And keeping with that fantastic quote from Gagdad Bob, I would like to redirect your attention to socialized healthcare and the anti-liberty sheeple who are tryin' to make it happen.
I contend that socialized healthcare (or "free" as some would put it, and by "free" they really mean at the price of your liberty and health) IS anti-science and anti-religion, not to mention anti-American, and anti-liberty.

Case in point, and this is butt one among many many:

This excerpt is taken from my last few comments of the previous post:

Hey guys, I was wondering if you could include me in your prayers.
I think I may have ulcers (and hopefully not something worse).

At least it appears that way based on my symptoms the last three days.
Heck, it could be a lot of different things, so I'm just guessin'.
(Skully is layin' out the odds and taking bets if you're so inclined). :^)

Plus, it's kinda painful...okay, it hurts like the dickens, and it's really cramping my style and cuttin' into my slack.

I'll know more after I see Doc.
Thanks! :^)

February 18, 2010 2:20 AM

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...
I got an e-mail from Doc, and he can fit me in at noon tomorrow.
The reason it is so soon? Because, and Doc didn't tell me this, he's seeing me during his lunch time.

THIS is what socialized healthcare FORCES good Doc's to do.
And it pisses me off, because he is forced to give up his lunch hour to help me.

All because Congress won't support the VA with what it needs. Something the private, free enterprise sector can do much more efficiently than govt. could ever do.

I hope someday that happens. In the meantime, I can't thank folks like Doc enough for the sacrifices they make to help our warriors by any means they possibly can.

For the misguided sheeple who want "free" healthcare I can only say they are not only clueless, they are committing cluelesside. (HT: Gagdad Bob for that superbly accurate terminology).

When idiots talk about how great socialized healthcare is, I can only surmise they never talked to a veteran or their family who need to use it.

The ONLY reason it works to any extent is because of patriots like Doc who sacrifice their own time (and meals).
And they shouldn't have to.

But these idiots won't let reality cloud their views."

Indeed, they sure won't. And this is butt one reason among more than I can count of why it's bullsh*t to think that any leftist really supports our troops, because if they believe this BS, and they MUST if they are leftists, then it's impossible to really support our troops, because bein' anti-reality is inherently anti-Hero!!!

And for any leftists who might argue against that reality, don't effin talk to me about nuance or gray area's, because if you doo, yer jest talkin' outta yer ass, which defines you, precisely.

You lefties are free to call me a liar, of course, butt you don't live with this sh*t, so please, next time you feel righteous or like you are some kinda moral authority, please! Stuff it up yer very large a-hole...sideways. With my compliments!

'Cause you know what? Yer credibility, as if you ever had it, is shot to hell, so STFU n' get a clue. It just might save yer miserable life, and thank God for that!
What? Too proud to humble yerself? Butt don't you pride yerself on yer (allegedly) empathy?

I sense a short circuit comin' on among some of the more honest lefties. Embrace it...embrace Reality...then we can talk. 'Cause then I'll gno you really are beginnin' to begin some empathy for our warriors...you gno...those guys n' gals who actually defend our liberties...yer liberties.

Let me tell ya, it ain't free, bub. So wake up n' smell the posers. We are quick to forgive and welcome all true patriots.

Lost In Lust

So love blossomed (or so I thought) between Linda, the barmaid and young Ben the sailor man.
I was happier than I could recall bein'. "Singin' in the rain" kinda happy (or singin' in a torrential downpour kinda delusion, to be more precise).
Truth be told it was a saccharin-like, sickly sweet happiness that's too sweet for it's own good. Hey, I got nothin' against genuine happiness with natural (or supernatural) sweetener, but that artificial stuff just don't cut it, you know?

By the way, have you ever thought you knew what love was only to find out you only knew one more thing love ain't (as in a dagger in the heart kinda ain't)?

But let's not get ahead of the story here, because afterall, getting there (or here) is half the fun. Or whatever percentage it happens to be. Hey, I'm not gonna do the math, okay?

Anyhow, so love was blossoming...yadda, yadda, yadda...and everything appeared to be copasetic, at least to me. To my friends, not so much.

"You're what?" Rick asked, in disbelief.

I could tell everyone else wanted to ask the same thing, but Rick had beat them to it so they simply shook their heads in agreement with Rick's disbelief.

"Gee thanks guys. It's not like I formed a suicide pact with Lucifer. I thought you guys would be, oh, I dunno, maybe just a wee bit happy for me. What was I thinkin'?" I replied, with no small amount of sarcasm.

"Hey Ben, it's not like that. You hardly know her. We just don't wanna see you have any regrets," Rick said, again to a lot of nodding heads.

"What, you think love at fist sight ain't possible? You think I'm an idiot?" I retorted.

"Not in so many words," Eric muttered, but there wasn't unanimous agreement with that. Some of the guys were thinkin' about it.

"No, I ain't saying that," Rick said, shooting a glaring glance at Eric. "Look, all I'm saying is you might wanna slow down. Marriage is a huge step. I mean, what's the rush?"

"Well, we are moving down to San Diego after sea trials," I said, "and it's not like I can jsut take a bus up here everyday after work.. "Besides, I just know she's the one, okay?" I answered, more irritated than angry.

"Can I throw the bachelor party?" Jeff asked. "I throw a killer bachelor party."

"They haven't set a date yet, stupid," Mark said.

"You guys aren't helping," Rick said.

"Well thanks for your concern. I am touched," I said, sarcastically. "now if you'll excuse me, I got work to do," I continued, before making a hasty retreat.

"He's touched alright," I heard someone, probably Eric say as the door swung shut.

I'll prove them wrong, I thought. Sh*t, what's wrong with those guys? It's not like I'm joining a monastary or something.

Later in the day Chief motioned me over to his desk.

"What's this about you getting married?" Chief asked.

Great. I tell all my friends, many having security clearances, but can they keep their mouth's shut? Of course they can't.

"Where did you hear that, Chief?" I asked.

"I hear things. Is it true?" He asked.

"Well, yeah," I replied, preparing for a lecture.

"Okay, make sure you fill out a request chit," Chief said, smiling.

"Request chit?" I asked, dumbfounded. "Are you serious?"

"Yes I am. Personnel needs to know for your records, and when you make OS3 you'll get money to help with housing. Don't worry, I have never seen one disapproved. Congratulations! And good luck," Chief said putting his hand out.

"Um...thanks Chief," I replied, shaking his hand. "So...that's it?" I asked.

"Unless you have any questions," Chief replied.

"No, I'm good to go," I lied.

Actually, I had lots of questions, but I was far to proud to ask them at this point.
I was actually somewhat disappointed that Chief didn't lecture me, though.

Maybe that comes after I fill out the request chit, I thought. At any rate, the "singing in the rain" feelin' I was feelin' was gone by this time.
Later that evening it was back, however and I was once again flyin' first class on "singing in the rain" errlines.

Unfortunately, there was no stewardess to show me where the emergency exits were located in the event of a crash landing...