Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Fast Times At Zombie High

"We're not gonna make it!" I said, as we hurled towards the chasm at seventy miles per hour.

The rest of the story after this important message:

In light of the recent posts at One Cosmos, where Bob is talkin' about sleep, death, life, and dreams n' stuff (very fascinating, btw), I figured I would post a dream I had a few nights ago.
A dream with a special guest, our very own Rick! Why was Rick in my dream? Well, I dunno, but I'm glad he was, 'cause we were fightin' zombies and tryin' not to be their next meal. Always nice to have help in that regard, although it's nice to have a friend like Rick visit any time, not just during zombie outbreaks.

Let's show a scene so you can get a better idea, shall we?

Jest kiddin', it wasn't like that.

"It better not be," I can hear Patti sayin'.

Good advice. You sure don't need any, um...distractions when yer fightin' zombies (or anything else for that matter).

Okay, this is closer to what we saw, minus the signs. Yeah, as if ZomGorians are any real threat to our survival...well, come to think of it they actually are, but that's not the zombies we saw.

That's about as close as I can find given the time restrictions I have. Yes, it was during the day, the dream setting that is, although I was dreamin' at night.

Now, to complete the dreamslack production as best I can so that you get O more fuller sense of what I'm talkin' about, there was a cool soundtrack running during the dream. Not loud and blaring, but if you listened you could definitely hear it, and yet Rick and I could still talk and hear each other without yelling.

In a place you only dream of, where your soul is always free
Silver stages, golden curtains, filled my head plain as could be
As a rainbow grew around the sun, all the stars I've loved, who died
Came from somewhere beyond the scene you see, these lovely people played just for me

Now if I let you see this place where stories all ring true
Then will you let me past your face to see what's really you?
It's not for me I ask this question as though I were a king
For you have to love, believe and feel, before the burst of tambourines take you there

Green grass and high tides forever
Castles of stone, soul and glory
Lost faces say we adore you
As kings and queens bow and play for you

Those who don't believe me, find your souls and set them free
Those who do, believe and know that time will be your key
Time and time again I've thanked them for a peace of mind
That helped me find myself amongst the music and the rhyme that enchants you there

Green grass and high tides forever
Castles of stone, soul and glory
Lost faces say we adore you
As kings and queens bow and play for you

Ah, The Outlaws. Is that significant? Well, they are one of the most underrated bands I ever heard, and it's significant to me, including the lyrics.
Anyhow, let's get to the dream, shall we?

They're everywhere, I thought, as I brought down two more zombies in quick sucession with my Winchester.

I had waited until they shambled close enough so I could easily make the head shots.
After shooting them I ran. Fortunately, I was faster than the zombies, but there was so many of them all around me, closing in...slowly...but surely.
I quickly reloaded my winchester, and realized I was gettin' low on ammo. I had a .45 for back-up with a few extra clips, but even if every shot I made was a head shot I wouldn't have enough ammo to stop all the zombies, and I was gettin' tired.

Will I hafta consider the unthinkable? I wondered, looking around for a way out of my predicament.

I had a few minutes 'tll the zombies got close enough. The sun was high overhead but it wasn't unduly hot. Sure, I was sweatin' but more from exertion than heat.
My eyes lingered on some dark clouds on the horizon to the west, travelling east from the Pacific.
Rain would be welcome, if I could survive that long.

Guess I'll go in the direction of the fewest zombies, I thought, heading southwest.
Actually, it looked like there was only a few hundred in that direction, but like the rest they were all converging on me.
They either saw or heard me. Or both. Hell, maybe they smelled me. I was, after all, on the top of their menu.

The city I was in looked familiar but I couldn't quite place it. It felt like I had been here before, a long time ago, before the zombies.

Man, I hate cities. I looked around for any additional weapons I could use as I got closer to the zombies. I passed a few fresh skeletons, their mouths open in apparent terror. Perhaps they were yesterday's menu, I thought, swatting at all the flies in their vicinity.

There was no buildings between me and the zombies. Well, none that weren't obviously overrun. As I got closer I began picking them off, taking careful but quick aim, and making every bullet count. Damn! I missed one. Shake it off. Breathe. Aim...got it. Lever in another round. Aim...shoot. Lever. Aim...shoot.

Not looking good, I thought, shouldering my rifles and pulling my Colt .45. I wasn't doin' too bad, but I missed a helluva lot more heads with the .45. Shootin' a moving target in the head ain't easy under the best of conditions. Add to that: adrenaline, fatigue, and the slow and slight but unpredictable jerking of the zombies as they shambled towards me and I was actually surprised I was hittin' approximately 60% of my intended targets.
The percentage went up as the zombies got closer but that wasn't reassuring.

"Damnit!" I shouted, releasing my first clip and slapping in another.

Fifteen feet...10 feet...getting too close. I backed up slowly, still firing and fighting the urge to panic. I could use my rifle as a club, I thought, but for how long? The zombies weren't abnormally, or even normally strong, but they would still overwhelm me from the sides and rear...soon.

Honk! Hoooonk! Hoooonk!

I jumped at the sound and the zombies hesitated. It was a car! I realized, replacing another clip and quickly looking around. To my right...not a car, a jeep, headed my way full bore. I popped off another few zombies and ran towards it as fast as I could.

Thank you Jesus, I thought, as I ran. The driver screeched to a halt and stood up, firing at the zombies following me.

"Come with me if you wanna live," he said.

"Rick! Good line!" I exclaimed, trying to laugh and breath at the same time. I opened the passenger door and hopped in as Rick did a u-turn and headed back the way he came, towards the ocean.

"Been busy I see," Rick said, smiling grimly.

"What took you so long?" I quipped, smiling back.

"I thought I was a goner. Not sure if I could've..." I continued, leaving the last part unsaid. There was no reason to say it.

"Yeah. I know," Rick said. "Got some water and jerky in the back if you want some."

"What, no cold beer?" I asked, finding a canteen and quenching my thirst.

"Well, we could stop for some if you really want..."

"No, no! Water is good enough. Maybe later we can..."

"Hold on, it's gonna be a bumpy ride!" Rick said.

Up ahead were some more zombies headed our way. Rick ran over a few, avoiding most of them and zig zagged through, hitting one every now and then but not slowing down.

I decided to put my seatbelt on.

"I'm not that bad of a driver," Rick said, as he mowed down a few more zombies.

"It's not you, it's the other drivers I'm worried about," I said.

"Yeah, but the pedestrians are murder," Rick replied.

"Bad side of town," I said.

A few more zombie speed bumps later, we were through the worst of them, but we could still see zombies scattered about, and they headed in our direction once they noticed we were there. The way was now relatively clear though, so Rick hit the accelerator and I let out a sigh of relief.

I hadn't relaxed in Lord knows how long. The breeze felt good and I could smell the ocean. Things were lookin' up. Now if only we could find beer.

Then I saw it. It was a wide chasm in the road. Perhaps 50 feet across. I didn't notice it 'til we were right up on it. No way from the angle we could make it across in the jeep.

"We're not gonna make it!" I shouted, as we hurled towards the chasm at seventy miles per hour.

"Jump!" Rick shouted back, flooring it.

I unhooked my seatbelt and then we were airborn. I stood up, holding onto the roll bars as we sailed through the air. As the jeep began to drop I jumped...