tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21275900459130203852024-03-13T05:14:21.914-07:00One Cosmos At SeaOne Cosmos At Sea
The Seafaring Mythadventures Of Ben, USN (Ret) Circumnavigazing The Show Waters Of The O, Who Distill's The Good Stuff Into All The k Eye Can Drink. Sea Stories With A Capital See, Under-Way Replenishment, Over The Horizon Targetting, Seecurity, Dead Reckoning, Life Beckoning, Anchored In Truth, Plotting Enemy Positions, MindSweeping, Naval GodFire Support, Aye-ing The LightHouse, And Cosmonautical Formations.USS Ben USN (Ret)http://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.comBlogger162125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2127590045913020385.post-20665110457357396292016-03-29T04:26:00.001-07:002016-03-29T04:26:45.986-07:00Fair Winds And Following See'sHello my friends. This will probably be my last blog post here. I have started a new blog at:<br />
<a href="http://getmetaphysical.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">getmetaphysical.blogspot.com</a><br />
<br />
It will be different, just as I am now a bit different, but I hope you will like it.<br />
I have much work still to do on it so please bear with me.<br />
<br />
Thank you for sticking with me all these years. Your friendship, encouragement, prayers, and help have been a real blessing to me! You all hold a special place in my heart.<br />
<br />
God bless you all, and Godspeed! This isn't the end, it's jest a new beginning. :)USS Ben USN (Ret)http://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2127590045913020385.post-41739904667119565112016-02-27T09:54:00.000-08:002016-02-27T09:54:08.305-08:00Fight SongIt sure has been awhile since I have blogged or even commented, and you all may be wondering why. <br />
I am sorry it has taken me so long. I meant to write this sooner, but I have been busy and, well, I'm not sure how to say what I'm about to write so I'll quit overthinking it and just write.<br />
<br />
Also, I'm more than a little concerned about what you may think of me after you read this. <br />
However, be that as it may, I feel I owe you all an explanation, so here I go, without a net.<br />
<br />
Not long ago, I decided to contact my mother. It has been many years since we talked and I think I have mentioned why before. In short, after years of trying to break up Patti and me I finally got tired of it and I told her that if she couldn't apologize to Patti for all the lies she had told, and for trying to manipulate her into divorcing me, not to ever call us again. <br />
And she didn't. <br />
<br />
Well, it's been 15 years and I thought perhaps maybe she has changed, so I attempted to get in touch again. Even if she hasn't changed, there's some things I wanted to say to her.<br />
I had no luck finding her on Facebook, and after searching for some time Onthe internet I finally found out she died in 2010. <br />
Of what, I have no idea. I tried to contact my brothers, to get more info, and to see how they are but I can't find them anywhere on the Internet. <br />
<br />
That got me to think, once again at how short life is, and although I don't feel guilty about not trying to contact my mother sooner, I wanted her to know I forgive her and, a part of me wanted her to love me. I'm not certain she would have but I had to try. Now, it's too late.<br />
I dunno, maybe that's for the best. <br />
<br />
I do have an opportunity to talk to you all, who have been so very kind and generous to me over the years, so I'm gonna stop putting it off and do just that.<br />
<br />
As you may have read before, I didn't have a good childhood, but then again, neither have lots of people. Many people have been raped as children, and had essentially no consistent father or mother figure that loved them.<br />
Regardless of what has happened to me in the past, I refuse to be a victim, or to fall into self pity. That's not why I'm bringing this up. <br />
No, I'm bringing this up because some things that have happened to me in the past have affected me. Maybe not on the surface so much, but deep inside it has. More than I used to think.<br />
<br />
Much more, as it turns out. <br />
<br />
For many years I buried that deep inside and locked it away, or so I believed. <br />
I thought by trying my best to not be like my father, step fathers or mother, and by trying to be good, that would be enough to make up for a crappy childhood. <br />
I knew, of course, I couldn't be good on my own, nor could I save myself so I turned to God to help me with that, and more.<br />
<br />
So why did I feel like a freak? What was I missing? Not enough prayer? Not enough devotion? <br />
<br />
Okay, let's back up a bit here. Why did I feel like a freak? Because I wasn't normal. Does that make me bad? Is there a way to be normal? How? By acting normal? Yeah, I tried that, many times. Got to be pretty good at it too. I even fooled myself, for a time.<br />
<br />
Why didn't I feel normal? Not even in the loosest sense? Could it be because I'm not Normal, no matter how much I might wish it or pray for it?<br />
What was I then, if not a freak? Abby Normal? <br />
<br />
Well now, after all that I finally get to it. Yes. <br />
<br />
I know, I know, it's still a bit too cryptic so I will elaborate. But not too much, because there's no need to subject you to everything that led up to now, mostly because a lot of it is risqué but also because I don't wanna try to justify what I feel because I don't feel ashamed of these feelings now. I used to be very ashamed and where has that gotten me? <br />
<br />
Please don't get me wrong, that's not to say I don't feel ashamed of some of the things I have done, but not this. Not anymore. The only reason I have been reluctant to tell you this is because I love you all, and I don't want you to dislike me because of it. I realize, that's not up to me though. All I can do is tell the truth and hope for the best. I went through the same dilemma with my daughters and they both reacted differently. One, better than I had hoped for and the other, not so much but she still talks to me.<br />
<br />
Same with some of my friends around here. Most accepted me but a few no longer want anything to do with me. That hurts but it's better than pretending. <br />
<br />
So here goes. I want to live as a woman and I am living as one. I have even gotten a new wardrobe, I wear dresses, learned how to do makeup, shave my legs, and I will wear a wig until my hair is long enough. I am also taking HRT, and I can honestly say I feel happier and more at peace with myself than I ever have before. <br />
<br />
That's not to say I think I'm a genetic woman because, obviously, I am not, but other than that I feel better living as a woman. My ID cards, including my military one have my new appearance on them and I intend to change my first name soon. <br />
<br />
I now go out in public like this and I was pleasantly surprised to find that most people still treat me nicely.<br />
Sure, there have been some that are mean and a few people have told me I'm going to hell, but that has happened a lot less than I expected. <br />
<br />
I don't expect you all to agree with me that this is okay, and I already know this isn't normal, but honestly, I am happy. <br />
My youngest daughter said she has never seen me this happy before and she noted that I am smiling a lot more. <br />
<br />
Has my past led me down this path? Well, I can say it probably has affected me, but in the end it is my decision. <br />
I'm still me, and I still believe in God, believe our liberties are precious and should be defended and still try my best to be good. <br />
<br />
If anyone has questions I will do my best to answer them, but please don't try to talk me out of this Because you will only waste your time. I have heard and read So much why I shouldn't do this, or why I shouldn't feel this way, and I didn't make this decision lightly. <br />
I do hope you all will still want to be my friends, brothers and sisters but I will understand if you don't. <br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/xo1VInw-SKc" width="560"></iframe><br />
P.S. I thought this would be a longer post but to explain everything that led up to my decision would take a very long time.<br />
If you all wanna hear more details I will try to write more. I will add that Patti knew of this at least 4 years before passing on. In fact, she is the one that got me to admit it, although it took longer for me to accept it.<br />
<br />USS Ben USN (Ret)http://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2127590045913020385.post-27556049996768076202015-09-29T06:38:00.002-07:002015-09-29T06:38:55.395-07:00TornHave you ever been torn? Not physically, but torn nevertheless? I mean really torn.<br />
Well, that's where I am right now. Lots of confliction. Confliction about who I am, I reckon.<br />
<br />
The only thing I am sure if at this point is, I am still human and I still love the Truth, much as it may hurt at times. Because I know it will make me a better human.<br />
Not just the truth, but beauty and goodness, the virtues, God, and like minded, offroad travellers.<br />
All if that, and all of you I count as friends, sisters and brothers, make me a better human.<br />
<br />
So why am I being torn? What is the root cause? And where do I go from here?<br />
<br />
Used to be, I kept my emotions in check. Too much in check. Now it's the other way around.<br />
What precipitated this reversal? And, more importantly, how do I get balanced?<br />
<br />
Well, I know what precipated it, at least the basics. Or perhaps I should say I get the gist of the cause.<br />
I have even written, in part, the cause of this recent turmoil. Okay, not really recent. It's always been there, for at least 40 plus years. It's just that it's manifesting now, into a nuclear holocast within me, like I'm being torn asunder.<br />
<br />
The really odd thing is, emotionally, I feel whole, but I gno I am not whole.<br />
After Patti's death, the lock on this Bendora's box was blown off, and what's inside is both causing turmoil and serenity at the same time.<br />
Turmoil to my mind, serenity to my emotions.<br />
<br />
It's funny, really, because I used to kind of pride myself for keeping my emotions in check. All I was doing was supressing them. Perhaps that's all I could do at the time. I dunno. I'm definitely more messed up than I thought I was.<br />
<br />
And getting balanced is gonna be tough. What will be the end result? I don't know. The results I feel I would like to see are, no doubt, not good. Or at least not optimal. <br />
<br />
So anyways, I could really use your prayers right now. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
USS Ben USN (Ret)http://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2127590045913020385.post-9570159989410824302015-08-03T03:09:00.001-07:002015-08-03T03:09:36.978-07:00Love Changes EverythingNot long after we got married the ship I was on, USS Duluth, was undergoing sea trials (to see if the ship will float after being in dry dock, among other things), shakedown cruises (essentially this means you go to sea to see what needs to be fixed), Reftra (two weeks of hell on keel, to see if the crew is battle ready with lots of sleep deprivation, General Quarters, Condition 1 Alpha, etc.), and out to sea again for exercises with your Squadron.<br />
<br />
All this is in preparation for a Westpac deployment, which is normally six months straight, but can be for longer depending on the circumstances.<br />
<br />
During the month's leading up to Westpac, I was gone from Patti at 70% of the time so we weren't together much the first year we were married.<br />
Which ain't exactly easy on a marriage.<br />
However, although nether one of us liked it, that was part of my job.<br />
<br />
Patti was always there waiting for me whenever I returned from sea. And if I had a duty day (once every three days inport, I had to stay on the ship a full 24 hours to stand watch, help take care of fires, flooding, load up stores for deployment, security alerts, stand watches, or whatever else came up), Patti would come by the ship to visit me, if I wasn't working or standing watch.<br />
<br />
During which we would always sneak a kiss or two. :)<br />
<br />
So anyways, during this time preparing for Westpac the neighbor next to the apt. we were renting in a seedy section of the North Park area of San Diego started trying' to come on to Patti.<br />
Of course, she would have none of that and she told the creep to get lost more than once, but the guy wouldn't leave her alone.<br />
After a few weeks of this Patti told me about this creep.<br />
<br />
Immediately, I went next door to pound on this idiot's door, with Patti warning me not to break it down, because she was worried about me getting arrested.<br />
Fortunately, Creepo answered his door before I hit it too hard (these were cheap apartments and the doors were hollow, and thin, but that was all we could afford at the time).<br />
<br />
"What the f#ck do you want?" Creepo demanded, as he flung his door open<br />
<br />
"Stay the hell away from my wife assh@le, or I'm gonna beat the sh!t out of you!" I replied politely.<br />
<br />
Creepo wasn't as tall as me but he was stockier. I wasn't concerned about that, since I was seeing red, but I could see why Patti was afraid of the punk.<br />
<br />
"I'm was just being friendly with her. If you care so much about her you should be home more. Now get the f#ck out of here before I bust you up!"<br />
<br />
"Go ahead you punk ass sh!tbag, try to bust me up," I replied even more politely than before.<br />
<br />
"What are you going to do motherf#cker? I do whatever I want!" He said, sneering.<br />
<br />
"If you so much as even talk to my wife again I will kill you. And if you still keep bothering her, I'll kill you again!" I countered, thinking that sounded pretty dumb, but I ain't exactly mister vocabulary when I get that angry.<br />
<br />
As I said that, I stepped closer to creepo, and shoved a finger into his chest. Patti was trying' to grab my arm and pleading with me to come back to the apartment but I couldn't backdown.<br />
<br />
Creepo's smugness quickly faded and I saw a flicker of fear in his eyes.<br />
<br />
"Um...uh...wh-what does that m-mean, dude?" He asked, taking a step back.<br />
<br />
Actually, that's a good question, I thought. But now wasn't the time to explain what I meant.<br />
Now was the time to convince creepydink that I would in fact kill him twice.<br />
<br />
"If you bother my wife again you will find out," I replied, squinting my eyes.<br />
"This is your only warning," I continued, raising one finger for dramatic effect, like Bruce Lee, or so I imagined.<br />
<br />
"O-okay man, that's c-cool. Just c-calm down man," he said.<br />
<br />
I stood there for a moment, my finger still in the air trying to think of what else to say when Patti chimed in.<br />
<br />
"Okay. Good! Now let's go home Ben. You don't need to beat him to a pulp like the last guy that bothered me," she said, smiling sweetly.<br />
<br />
Actually, up to that point I had not beaten anyone to a pulp for bothering Patti, because this was the first guy that had bothered her since we had met.<br />
<br />
Creepydink's face went ashen, and he seemed to be even more afraid than before.<br />
<br />
Of course, Creepydink didn't know that. This is a perfect time to scare him some more, I thought.<br />
<br />
"Come on," Patti said under her breath, tugging on my arm.<br />
<br />
"Okay then," I said, with one last crazy glare (to replace my authentic anger glare) in Creepydinks direction.<br />
<br />
As I turned to leave Patti put my arm around her shoulders.<br />
<br />
"My hero," she said, kissing me on the cheek and smiling that beautiful smile of hers.<br />
<br />
My anger never stood a chance against that lovely smile, nor the kiss that followed.<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/1pvpmFY9_X4" width="560"></iframe><br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />USS Ben USN (Ret)http://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2127590045913020385.post-53194425681776075562015-07-20T12:36:00.002-07:002015-07-20T18:20:24.935-07:00Rollin' Rollin' Rollin' UpdateRawhiiiide.<br />
<br />
Tomorrow, I'm gonna go horseback ridin'. I had to book this two months ago. Apparently, lots of people go ridin' in the summer.<br />
<br />
I love riding horses, and I like horses, so I figured hey, why not?<br />
Back when I was a boy, I used to ride a lot. I had a friend who's dad owned a ranch and I rode every time I visited him. Plus, my step dad at the time, owned 5 acres and a few people he knew would pay him to keep afew of their horses at our place because we had some grazing land and a barn (that my grandpa built. He owned the place before my stepdad #2 bought it).<br />
<br />
So I rode those horses too. I also took care of them, feeding, watering, brushing them, and washing them in the summer, occasionally. Plus, shovelling poop out of the barn and keeping it maintained and clean. I didn't mind the extra work because like I said, I like horses.<br />
<br />
Here's the link of some pics of where I may be riding:<br />
<a href="http://rideon.webstarts.com/pix.html" target="_blank">http://rideon.webstarts.com/pix.html</a><br />
<br />
Should be fun. I'm gonna take a bunch of anti-poop pills so there ain't no chance of any accidents, I hope. I know, TMI probably, lol.<br />
I'll try to take a bunch of pictures if you guys are interested.<br />
<br />
Update: Well shoot, the guy who owns the horse ridin' business just called me and he has to cancel tomorrows rides. His truck is broke and the mechanics haven't figured out what is wrong with it.<br />
At any rate, it will be another two or. three months until I can schedule a new day to ride.<br />
<br />
That's the way it goes sometimes. I need some rancher friends.<br />
<br />USS Ben USN (Ret)http://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2127590045913020385.post-22372177477724921112015-07-16T20:06:00.002-07:002015-07-16T20:06:36.359-07:00Ignore This Safety Recall For NowSo I got this safetyrecall notice for my 2004 Dodge Durango. Apparently, the driver's airbag doesn't always work right, particularly if the humidity is high.<br />
<br />
However, after telling me this the letter goes on to say: don't bring your truck in for an inspection to see if it needs fixing, because we don't have the parts to fix it at this time. We will let you know when the parts become available.<br />
<br />
Oh really? How nice of you to do that. Thanks for the warning.<br />
<br />
I told Patti we should've gotten a Ford but she liked the way the Durango looks. And it does look okay, but it's made by Dodge Chrysler. Ugh.<br />
<br />
Oh well. My next truck will be a Ford, unless they become as stupid as Chrysler or GM.<br />
<br />
<br />USS Ben USN (Ret)http://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2127590045913020385.post-77309586014385276272015-07-14T06:31:00.000-07:002015-07-14T06:31:02.027-07:00Dog AdviceLittle Miss, the youngest of my two dachschunds is allergic to grass pollen most likely, my vet says.<br />
She has uncontrollable itching from around April, maybe May until August or Sept..<br />
In the past I gave her benedryl, various anti-itch sprays and herbal supplements, and various shampoos.<br />
<br />
The benedryl helps a bit, but all that other stuff doesn't.<br />
However, last year they came out with a new drug, Apoquel. On the very first day it worked, and she is itch free. :)<br />
<br />
Since it is relatively new, it is expensive. About three bucks per pill. But I don't hafta take her to the vet for infections and antibiotics anymore.<br />
So if your dog has this problem I highly recommend Apoquel.<br />
<br />
There has been no side effects whatsoever.<br />
<br />
Incidently, if any of you guys know where I can buy it cheaper, please let me know.<br />
I tried 1800Petmeds, where I order the doggie's flea and tick medicine, but they have been out for awhile. Apparently, this drug works so well on all allergies, that there is a high demand for it.<br />
<br />
<br />USS Ben USN (Ret)http://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2127590045913020385.post-3800516448272033102015-07-05T20:26:00.001-07:002015-07-05T20:26:17.300-07:00New Look...MaybeI never thought this would happen, but it did. I always enjoyed having a beard and not shaving.<br />
However, after several cooler than normal summers in western Washington, in a row, I knew we were due for a warmer than usual summer.<br />
<br />
And thus it has happened. Hey, I'm not complaining, it could always be hotter, and, compared to the south, this ain't nothin'.<br />
However, I'm not used to it, so I'm looking' for ways to be cooler.<br />
<br />
Cooler than I already am, that is.<br />
Well, it is possible, theoretically.<br />
<br />
I will let you, dear readers and fellow Raccoons, be the judge.<br />
Should I stay with the clean shaven look, or should I go back to the clean bearded look?<br />
The winner gets a signed The Tao Of Cosmic ChinFoo Art Of War E Book!<br />
<span id="goog_1162058207"></span><span id="goog_1162058208"></span><br />
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<br />USS Ben USN (Ret)http://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2127590045913020385.post-65205325917895675402015-07-04T08:17:00.003-07:002015-07-04T08:19:18.711-07:00Feels Like Freedom?<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/lOsqpG5QswQ" width="560"></iframe><br />
Okay, not so much anymore, thanks to SCOTUS. But at least I can tell my granddaughter what freedom used to be like, and pray that America will be free again, someday.<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/YcR0vHuw0vw" width="420"></iframe><br />
I am thankful I got to experience Life, Liberty and the Pursuit Of Happiness.<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/skAOb_EUE_M" width="420"></iframe><br />
I'm also thankful I live in the Boondocks.<br />
<br />
Now, this don't mean I give up fightin' for our liberties, far from it. I'll keep praying and fightin' for it until I die.<br />
And with that, may you all have a Happy July 4th!USS Ben USN (Ret)http://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2127590045913020385.post-68596901455989135572015-06-18T00:11:00.000-07:002015-06-18T00:11:03.108-07:00Yeah, But Does It Work?Now, I imagine you are probably wondering, "does what work?"<br />
<br />
Say what?<br />
<br />
Sorry, that sounded funnier in my noggin than it does in my bloggin'.<br />
<br />
Okay, as I have mentioned before, I have peripheral neuropathy. I have PN in my feet, sometimes to my knees, and in my hands and arms.<br />
<br />
PN can be quite painful. Sometimes it's a burning sensation, and sometimes it's pins n' needles, stabby-like, and sometimes it feels like a cat ripping your feet apart with fangs n' claws.<br />
It can also get the muscles in the affected areas all super-clenched, tight, and charlie horse-like.<br />
For me, the feet are the worst, but over the last year, in my hands n' arms it has progressed in pain.<br />
<br />
Needless to say, it ain't no picnic. It also makes it difficult to sleep for long.<br />
I take gabapentin and pain pills amd that does help, but the only drug that has ever completely knocked out the oain is oxycontin, and the VA only allows that if you're on your deathbed (spoiler alert: I didn't die, which is good news, but since I got better, no more oxycontin).<br />
<br />
IRT the VA, pain management is not good. That's not my doctor's fault, it's the fault of bureaurats who think they know better than doctors.<br />
The argument these idiots give for not allowing better pain management is that because a few guys abuse the pain meds (and some die as a result), it's too dangerous for everyone else who doesn't abuse them.<br />
<br />
I'm willing to bet that more vets commit suicide because they can't get any relief from chronic pain than those who die because of drug abuse.<br />
And it really pisses me off to no end (Big Trouble In Little China reference there...jest because) when bloody politicians and their ilk punish us law abiding folks because of what a few people foolishly do.<br />
<br />
Regardless, the idiots who think they know better than doctors can't care less about what our vets are going through. Long as they keep getting their bonuses, even when they lie, cook their books and vets die as a result, there's no reason for them to be concerned.<br />
<br />
Plus, whistleblowers under the Obama admin. get punished for telling the truth about these bureaurat scum, so I expect less will be willing to speak up when future abuses happen.<br />
I guarantee obummercare will be far worse, but at least it's free. I mean, more expensive than it ever was.<br />
As Bob has said, this is why we can't have nice things.<br />
<br />
Anyways, about a month ago I decided to try deep tissue massage to see if that might help.<br />
Of course, I hafta pay for that myself, because the VA doesn't cover it except sometimes in the case of physical therapy.<br />
But I was gettin' a bit desperate, so fine, I thought, let's try it once and see if it's worth it.<br />
<br />
Aye. It is definitely worth it. I felt remarkably better after my first visit, where the therapist worked on my arms, hands, shoulders and neck.<br />
I have gone back every week since, to have the same areas worked on.<br />
<br />
I haven't gotten the courage to have my feet worked on, because I can barely wash my feet myself with a severe spike in pain, let alone massage them.<br />
My therapist wants to try working on my hips and upper legs, the idea being it may help my feet and lower legs, since all the nerves are sort of connected, or something like that (I forget exactly how it went), so I will give that a try.<br />
<br />
I have tried other homeopathic stuff, like the pepper skin cream, but none of that helped.<br />
Therapeutic massage does help, and tremendously, I am happy to report.<br />
I also sleep better than I did before, and a bit longer, up to 3-4 hours now, in a row.<br />
Before I started this, it was maybe 2 hours, or an hour here and there, or less.<br />
<br />
Thank God I took a chance to try this. It's costly, but when you get to a certain point, then.., well, having more money sure ain't gonna take any pain away.<br />
If you guys know anyone who may be suffering from PN, or any other sucky medical problems, pass it on.<br />
Massage therapy just might help.<br />
<br />
Oh, I almost forgot, there are several different types of massages, even one that is tailored for migraines, but a good, licensed MT can explain all that, and there's plenty of info online.<br />
All I know for certain is that deep tissue massage works, and I went in expecting it not to really help much at all, so no placebo effect here.<br />
I sure can't argue with the results. :)<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />USS Ben USN (Ret)http://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2127590045913020385.post-83662652154154219502015-06-04T19:38:00.000-07:002015-06-04T19:38:04.599-07:00Ain't Much Left Of MeThis song describes me to a high degree, when there wasn't much left of me.<br />
I was at one of them there crossroads that we encounter only all the time in life.<br />
But this crossroad was one of those rock bottom ones. You know the kind I'm talkin' about, when you are broken, hurting', desperate, depressed, dumbfounded, confounded, and, well, you get the idea.<br />
<br />
Anyways, yeah, I've been to the crossroad of life n' death a few times more than I'd like to admit.<br />
Where the only two choices I could think of was dyin' or livin', up or down for good (bad, actually), good or evil, God or gogdamn hell, or the closest thing to it this side of hell.<br />
<br />
That terrible place where you can't think straight. All you know for sure is, if God won't save me (again) I'm done for. That's all he wrote, Bub. You don't hafta stick a fork in me, I'm past well done.<br />
Ain't much left of me.<br />
<br />
However...<br />
<br />
When I turn to God everything gets better. Maybe not my material or physical situation (not right away), but my spirit and mind and heart. A thankful heart. And a peace that surpasses all understanding.<br />
Now, there is more of me. The real me. The me I am destined for. The path is clear as God's grace shines on it.<br />
<br />
Of course, there are other crossroads that are at various levels of the vertical, as well as the horizontal, but I tend to remember the worst ones a bit more than the best ones.<br />
So I obviously oughtta be mindful of that and work harder to keep a thankful heart.<br />
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Here's a different version of the same song. I like 'em both.<br />
I'm glad I found Blackberry Smoke. They are a very good band if you like southern rock/country rock/country.<br />
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<br />USS Ben USN (Ret)http://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2127590045913020385.post-4269245338089783512015-05-25T12:16:00.001-07:002015-05-25T12:16:22.845-07:00More Than A Name On A Wall<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/o_Bh5K05b48" width="560"></iframe><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/g-OuPDy0jso" width="560"></iframe><br />
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To all you warriors who gave your all to defend our lives, liberties and property:<br />
Thank you, and God bless you and your families.<br />
There are some of us out here who will never forget you, and we are eternally grateful that you gave your all for us.<br />
<br />USS Ben USN (Ret)http://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2127590045913020385.post-13259493859323763622015-05-17T15:21:00.002-07:002015-05-17T15:21:18.371-07:00Back-upYou guys know I'm a staunch supporter of the Second Ammendment. And I'm certain you agree that defending yourself, your loved ones and even strangers is very important.<br />
The police can't do it, most of the time, and calling 911 is fine, but it takes time for the police to show up.<br />
And in that time, you may find yourself in a situation where you need to protect yourself and others, whether you're at home or out and about.<br />
<br />
Now, if at home you have far more options available, depending on the circumstances. Usually, nothin' beats a good shotgun, or perhaps a Winchester for accuracy and firepower. <br />
Or you can use handguns. Personally, I would go for a shotgun or rifle first, but I would have a handgun or two on me as back-up, in case someone (or more) assailants were tryin' to break into the house, or my neighbor's houses.<br />
<br />
If someone manages to break in before I'm armed (good luck doin' that because my guard dogs have excellent hearing), I have gats strategically placed throughout the house. Not in plain sight, but I know where they are.<br />
Yes, even if I'm on the throne, so to speak.<br />
<br />
I also have ammo in every room, so I can reload, even if I'm pinned down or isolated to one room.<br />
<br />
Of course, if you have children, this is more problematic, depending on their age. It has been my experience (my grandparents were right) that teaching your children at a young age about fire arms, what they are, how dangerous they are, and what they are for is very crucial.<br />
I was taught this when I was 5 or 6, taught to always assume guns are loaded and never to touch them or point them at family members or friends, and I even got to handle unloaded guns and rifles. This was drilled into me repeatedly until I was 10, IIRC. <br />
That was when my grandparents taught me to shoot.<br />
<br />
Today, I carry most all the time, and I only go to businesses that respect our 2nd Ammendment rights, if I can help it.<br />
I usually carry a .45 long colt, .40 or 9mm, with hollowpoints. Hollowpoints have more stopping power, are more likely to incompacitate bad guys, and are less likely to go through a bad guy and hit someone else. <br />
Needless to say, practice is very important. The more you practice, the more accurate you'll be in case you hafta use<br />
a gun to defend yourself or others.<br />
<br />
I've been wanting a back-up, smaller weapon for awhile, and since my birthday is coming up, I thought it would make a nice gift.<br />
Something small enough for an ankle or pocket holster (yet easily concealed), and powerful enough to knock a bad guy down.<br />
And with summer coming, it must be easily concealed with lighter clothing.<br />
<br />
Originally, this is what I bought the 9mm for, but it's just a tad too big to easily conceal as a back-up. Plus, I wanted a revolver, because revolvers never jam up, and although I have been trained to clear up gun jams it does take a second or two.<br />
<br />
This fit the bill for me:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-E-w5rGbWGqE/VViRo26mPrI/AAAAAAAABY8/MWq4mHa7srM/s1600/IMG_2267.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-E-w5rGbWGqE/VViRo26mPrI/AAAAAAAABY8/MWq4mHa7srM/s320/IMG_2267.JPG" /></a></div>A Ruger .357 magnum. Not a bad back-up or primary weapon.<br />
<br />
The only con is it only holds 5 shots, but I can reload it fairly quickly. Not as fast as a semi-auto, but hopefully, fast enough, and hopefully, I wouldn't need more than 5 shots anyhow. Besides, it's mostly for back-up. I can easily conceal the 9mm or .40 cal in a shoulder holster, or a hip holster if I wear an extra large, short sleeve shirt that ain't tucked in.<br />
<br />
When out and about, especially in the summer, it's a balancing act between comfort and firepower, and sure, I don't look as good in a baggy shirt that ain't tucked in, but most folks rarely give me a second glance anyhow, which is fine by me. <br />
I hate signing autographs anyway.<br />
<br />
Oh, I also recommend carrying a decent knife (make sure you know your state laws on legal blade length). A knife is a good last resort defensive tool, as well as an invaluable, all-purpose survival tool. <br />
<br />
Caught in a burning car but your seatbelt is jammed? <br />
Is your car sinking in a lake or river and you can't get the automatic windows down or door open?<br />
Have you ever found yourself in a restaurant trying to use a super dull restaurant knife to cut your well done, even though you asked for medium rare steak?<br />
Need to make an emergency tracheotomy? I saw one on tv, so I'm purty sure I could do it if I had to. Of course I would also need a pen or straw. Stat!<br />
<br />
There are so many uses for a good knife.<br />
Mushroom, aka Dwaine has a some good links at his site about knives and how to sharpen them correctly, if you decide it's a good idea to have one.<br />
<br />
http://prudencefordummies.blogspot.com<br />
<br />
<br />
USS Ben USN (Ret)http://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2127590045913020385.post-72354426105495357982015-04-01T00:54:00.001-07:002015-04-01T00:54:23.107-07:00Give To LiveAfter Patti's death, one of the changes I went through...am going through is that I find it easier to give than I used to.<br />
Easier to put other people above my self. <br />
<br />
So when I feel an urge to give, I don't question it like I used to, I simply do it.<br />
That's not to say I allow my emotions to be manipulated by a bum with a puppy, particularly since most bums are sex offenders that belong behind bars, but there's a difference between emotional giving and giving inspired by God.<br />
It feels different for one thing.<br />
<br />
Would I be able to tell the difference if I didn't work hard to master my emotions rather than being mastered by emotions? Perhaps not, I can't say for sure.<br />
Mostly because I have been working at mastering my emotions for a long time (thanks to Bob at One Cosmos for helping me do that). So dispassionate passionate giving is an easier transition than it might have been thanks to me being open more to wisdom than whatever I may be feeling at a given moment.<br />
<br />
Does that mean I wouldn't ever give to a bum (or homeless person, or someone that's just goin' through a rough patch) with (or without) a puppy? Not at all. <br />
In fact I already have. However, it's not something' I do automatically, unless I get that inspiration from my reverence points.<br />
After all, God is able to tell the difference between a scam artist and someone who really does need a helping hand up better than I ever could.<br />
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<br />
<br />
USS Ben USN (Ret)http://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2127590045913020385.post-5056125864234212222015-03-13T08:01:00.001-07:002015-03-13T08:16:08.207-07:00In My Dreams<iframe width="420" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/lGPNQsLSBNQ" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br />
Yeah, so this song was playin' in my head last night while I was dreamin'.<br />
Except, instead of seeing the lady in the video I saw Patti. And I didn't see the band.<br />
<br />
Anyways, Patti was saying something but I couldn't make out what it was, so I looked for where the source of the music was coming from so I could turn it down.<br />
Problem was, I couldn't find the source.<br />
<br />
Eventually, I found it. It was a stereo that looked like a phone.<br />
I looked for the volume control to turn it down, but Patti shook her head to stop me and placed three of her fingers on my lips, because I was about to talk and she wanted me to be quiet.<br />
<br />
I remember hugging, and maybe we danced, or everything danced around us, I couldn't be sure since I was focused so much on Patti's eyes and her beautiful face, and she was staring intently into mine.<br />
It was whelming, but not overwhelming. I mean, just not quite overwhelming, emotionally.<br />
Or maybe a better word is rapturous.<br />
<br />
Until the song ended. I started to speak again but Patti stopped me again, in the same way.<br />
Then another song began to play. <br />
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I hadn't heard this song in a very long time. <br />
Patti smiled and her brown eyes twinkled. Really. It was dazzling, in fact.<br />
Then she spoke again.<br />
<br />
I didn't hear her but I knew what she said this time. <br />
She said, I'll see you in your dreams. I'll be here, waiting, until you join me.<br />
The song ended, and Patti spoke again, except this time I heard her.<br />
"Don't worry and be of good cheer HB," she said, smiling.<br />
<br />
Once again, I attempted to speak and once again she stopped me, same as before.<br />
When she touched my lips the dream faded away.<br />
<br />
Then I woke up, with tears streaming out of my eyes. <br />
And I smiled.<br />
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/LyZMfxhhhiY" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>USS Ben USN (Ret)http://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2127590045913020385.post-41570326531564054412015-03-03T23:05:00.001-08:002015-03-03T23:09:51.683-08:00SoulshineAye. Soulshinin' is something' to aspire to. We've all met people that have what seems like an immense soul shine. <br />
Patti, my grandma, my brothers, sisters and friends I have met on the 'net. And a few others I have had the privilege of meeting throughout my life. <br />
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/pDIQ7Otf1mw" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br />
How does one soulshine more?<br />
<br />
Well, I'm working' on it, but I do know the number one thing I need to do and that's be thankful.<br />
Without that one can't begin to soulshine at all.<br />
<br />
Cultivatin' joy would be another thing I can do. It takes practice for me. Some folks seem to be born with it, while others need to practice more and focus through meditation, contemplation, prayer.<br />
Jest gotta dive in and do it.<br />
<br />
Which brings me to givin'. <br />
Not just materially. but through prayer, friendship, love, honor, sacrifice...etc..<br />
But you know, when I give it doesn't feel like a sacrifice. I need to give more to receive more.<br />
But I can't give for that reason. It doesn't work that way.<br />
<br />
No, I must give because it's the right thing to do. Sure, it may feel uncomfortable at times but it's liberating too. Therapeutic even. <br />
<br />
Which leads me to forgiveness, of others and myself.<br />
I gotta say this is the most difficult for me, but I know I must if I wanna transcend past where I am now.<br />
Doesn't mean I gotta be best friends with those I forgive, but those chains need breakin' nonetheless.<br />
<br />
Practicin' the virtues sure will go a long way to help me soulshine brighter. <br />
When I do all these things in honesty then verily God's grace will flow like a river into my soul.<br />
<br />
Thank you, my friends for soulshinin' on me. God bless you all.<br />
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/s9WZJ-Bn6lc" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe> USS Ben USN (Ret)http://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2127590045913020385.post-32305210512557164052015-02-25T15:08:00.000-08:002015-02-25T15:24:33.761-08:00ForeverI know my marriage vows said "'Til death do we part," however, I took that to mean...forever.<br />
Sure, I know there is no marriage in Heaven. That doesn't mean there ain't no special connection between wives and husbands. How could there not be? <br />
Just as there are special connections between friends or relatives we love. <br />
<br />
Of course, I could be wrong, but I don't think so. It's not like the bond we form with our wife or husband simply disappear after the death of our bodies.<br />
It will be different in Heaven, of that I am certain, but it will be better than anyone can imagine, and I can imagine a lot, so it's gonna be awesome sauce all the timelessness.<br />
<br />
You know, sometimes I try to imagine 'better than I can imagine.' Perhaps it's pointless to do that, but since love and Heaven are good things I would like to think it isn't pointless at all, as long as I don't get obsessed with it.<br />
The bonds of friendship n' love are truly liberating. <br />
I know it liberates me from utter despair n' hopelessness. <br />
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USS Ben USN (Ret)http://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2127590045913020385.post-2445896284024463562015-02-20T18:46:00.002-08:002015-02-20T19:08:34.558-08:00Bridge<iframe width="420" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/iZ8rbeixTUM" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br />
Bobby Ingram, a member of Molly Hatchet wrote this song after his wife died.<br />
I can relate to the lyrics he wrote. <br />
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Some people never find the love of a lifetime. I am so thankful that I did.<br />
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Gotta hold on, you gno?<br />
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Faith gives me the chance, so I gotta take it.<br />
USS Ben USN (Ret)http://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2127590045913020385.post-63884862628159130402015-02-13T23:11:00.002-08:002015-02-13T23:29:15.663-08:00Don't You Take It Lying Down<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/JRx0NIvwQQg" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br />
<br />
No! No!<br />
<br />
Hold on, hold on tight,<br />
I'll make everything alright,<br />
Wake Up! Don't go to sleeep,<br />
I pray the Lord your soul to keeep...<br />
<br />
Suicide. <br />
From what I have read nearly everyone has thought about it at some point or times in their life.<br />
Thankfully, relatively few people actually act on those thoughts. <br />
<br />
There was only one time I ever began to act on it. It was after my ill-conceived idea to get married.<br />
This was before I met Patti. I had fallen in what I thought was love (lust, actually) with a barmaid in Long Beach, CA.<br />
<br />
Everything was goin' great, or so I thought. My fiancé seemed to love me. I can still recall the look on her face when I asked her to marry me.<br />
A look of surprise and joy. And here I was worried about bein' rejected.<br />
<br />
First of all, sorry it's taken me so long to write about the conclusion of this story. It was just too painful and embarrassing to do so before now.<br />
Well, partly.<br />
The other reason is because I didn't want Patti to read it. I knew if she did it would cause her pain.<br />
And I already had caused her more pain than anyone should hafta endure.<br />
<br />
I had gotten a rare half day off and decided to surprise my fiancé. I didn't have a copy of her apartment key so I knocked on the door. <br />
<br />
And a guy with a towel wrapped around his waist opened the door. Behind him I could see my fiancé in bed with another guy.<br />
<br />
"What the hell?" I said, trying' to make sense of what I was seeing.<br />
<br />
She got up out of bed, naked and walked to the door.<br />
<br />
"It's okay Mark, I'll just be a minute. Why don't you pour us some more wine?" She said, nonchalantly.<br />
<br />
It seemed so surreal. It was as if I was facing a completely different woman than the one I asked to marry me.<br />
<br />
"I thought you were working all day," she said, glaring at me.<br />
<br />
Is she for real? I wondered. Is this real?<br />
<br />
"What the f#ck is goin' on?" I asked. <br />
<br />
"Exactly," she said, smiling. <br />
<br />
"What?" I asked, exasperated and not a little bit hurt.<br />
<br />
"I don't think we should get married. You want to join in?" She asked, leering at me.<br />
<br />
Is she demon possessed or something? I wondered. <br />
<br />
I wasn't gettin' the love vibe anymore. The complete opposite, as a matter of fact. More like an evil vibe. And apparently, she wanted me to join in the evil. Revel in it, I reckon.<br />
<br />
"Are you...are you se..serious?" I stuttered.<br />
<br />
I used to have a stuttering problem when I was younger, but I had mostly conquered that problem by the time I had entered junior high school. Right after I began fightin' back against bullies. <br />
But it was returning now, and that made me feel more insecure, vulnerable and, I dunno, like an idiot.<br />
<br />
"Y-yes, I-I'm se-serious," she mocked, smiling that evil smile.<br />
<br />
I didn't reply. I couldn't. I just had to get outta there. I walk quickly, almost running, to the sounds of laughter, from her and those other guys.<br />
<br />
I don't know how long I walked, but before I realized it, darkness had fallen to match the darkness I felt on the inside.<br />
<br />
Figures, I thought, anger rushing up inside and just itchin' to burst out.<br />
<br />
I surveyed my surroundings and concluded I was in a bad side of town. I didn't care. Probably a good thing no one attacked me in the state I was in.<br />
<br />
Then I directed that anger at myself.<br />
<br />
You! Stupid! F#cking! Idiot! I screamed in my mind.<br />
<br />
I went on like that for awhile and started walking' again. It was a damn good tirade if I don't say so. <br />
I needed to smash somethin' and that somethin' was me!<br />
<br />
Of course, smashing' myself wasn't very feasible so I did the next best thing. <br />
I ducked into an alley, almost pitch black. A blackness than was encompassing my very soul. Utter darkness. <br />
<br />
I reached into my pocket and got out my buck knife. I looked at my arms, wondering if I could really do it. <br />
Do I have the guts? I thought. But it wasn't just my thought. It was alien. But I didn't care, did I? <br />
<br />
I stuck my knife into the outside of my forearm, about a half inch deep and I cut about an inch across.<br />
It hurt but not all that much. Blood came pouring out like the darkness in my soul.<br />
I made another cut, a bit smaller this time. Then I started to cut my stomach, just a small stick, actually. I applied more force but it was tougher than I thought. <br />
<br />
My stomach muscles are really more pliable than I thought, I thought, applying even more force. <br />
The knife went in a bit more.<br />
<br />
Then I pulled it out. Only a small wound remain, blood oozing out. I looked at the blood for awhile. It was dark but I could see the blood...black blood enveloping my arm and part of my stomach area.<br />
<br />
It was then I broke down and tears flowed, but they weren't black like the blood. And somehow, that angered me again.<br />
Enough to begin another tirade at myself. <br />
<br />
You f#ckin' coward! I thought. You don't have the guts to do it!<br />
<br />
This went on for awhile until I finally realized I wasn't a coward for takin' the easy way out.<br />
I choose the hard way, I resolved. Because...f#ck it! Who cares? I just am!<br />
<br />
Occasionally I still get a thought, rarely of committing suicide, but I am now strong enough to never act on it, and to obliterate those thoughts once again and nail 'em to the Cross!<br />
And pray and contemplate my many blessings...<br />
<br />
Yeah, life can be painful. So what? I'm thinking'. Am I gonna give up? Be a selfish loser? <br />
Or am I gonna smash somethin'. Somethin' dark?<br />
Ben Smash puny darkness! God smash puny darkness!!!<br />
<br />
Okay, so I Hulk out every once in awhile. Holy Hulk out. I gotta be stronger than the darkness. <br />
I Am stronger than the darkness.<br />
<br />
Because He lives within' me.<br />
And there ain't no darkness too evil for Him and for me to smash!!!<br />
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USS Ben USN (Ret)http://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2127590045913020385.post-41158389471313119172014-12-25T14:14:00.000-08:002014-12-25T14:15:17.350-08:00Have A Very Merry Christmas!I was plannin on mopin' around for Christmas. It would be so easy. Just wallow around, feel sorry for being All By Myself like Eric Carmen, but not as rich. Cry in my Christmas beer. Well, not actually IN the beer, that would be gross. <br />
Whine in my Christmas wine. <br />
Okay, scratch the whinin' I'm not a whino.<br />
<br />
You get where I'm coming from, right? It's the first Christmas after...<br />
Without...her. <br />
Without...my love. <br />
Without...a really good punch-line.<br />
<br />
However, a funny thing happened as I was plannin' how I could maximize my mopiness (that's mopyness, not mop...you know what I mean).<br />
I realized this would be the last thing she would want for me to do. <br />
Well, maybe not the last thing. There are worse things than monopolizing mopyness, afterall. Let's not blow this thing out of proportion. <br />
<br />
Where was I? Oh yeah, a funny thing happened. No wait, after that. I realized sure as she was sayin' it to me herself that Patti would not want me mopynizin' on Christmas.<br />
<br />
Patti loved Christmas. It was her favorite Holiday of the year. Not because of gifts, at least not material ones, but because of the real meaning of Christmas:<br />
Hark The Herald Angels Sing, Glory To The Newborn King! The Christ the King!<br />
Made sense, since Jesus is the greatest gift of all. <br />
<br />
Patti loved Christmas songs as well. And all the good Christmas shows. Decorating the house and making everything brighter and more beautiful. <br />
Cooking and spending time together. Talking to the kids when they couldn't be here. Driving around at night to see the Christmas lights some folks put up.<br />
<br />
When we would say grace at Christmas dinner she would thank our Lord for our children, for all His blessings upon us, and even for me. <br />
She made me feel special, but in a good way.<br />
<br />
On our first Christmas together, which was the second year we were married because I was on a WestPac deployment during what would've been our first Christmas, I recall the look of bewilderment on Patti's face when she opened up a gift I had gotten her. <br />
It was dishwashing gloves. <br />
<br />
Guys, never give cleaning supplies as gifts to your wife. They don't count. Seriously. <br />
<br />
But rather than get angry about my snafuey faux pas Patti laughed about it, and would continue to laugh about it whenever she remembered it. <br />
Of course, funny as it was I never repeated that snafuey faux pas. Well, not that particular one anyways.<br />
<br />
One of Patti's favorite parts of Christmas was seeing the joy on our daughters faces when they opened their gifts, and spending time with them, doing stuff with them, and me.<br />
<br />
During our first few years of marriage, when money was more scarce than Bigfoot in the Mojave desert, Patti's joy around Christmas was no less, because it was never about material things, it was about God and family.<br />
<br />
Patti brought more joy to Christmas, no doubt about it. <br />
And she still does. <br />
<br />
Merry Christmas Patti and thank you! <br />
And Merry Christmas to you guys! I hope you don't consider me presumptious in thinking that you all are family to me.<br />
<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-H9VSoAKhVC8/VJyMaGxTnzI/AAAAAAAABXs/idgYQjSpVuQ/s1600/IMG_0880.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-H9VSoAKhVC8/VJyMaGxTnzI/AAAAAAAABXs/idgYQjSpVuQ/s320/IMG_0880.JPG" /></a></div>USS Ben USN (Ret)http://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2127590045913020385.post-45884397746730518422014-11-21T06:13:00.001-08:002014-11-21T06:13:55.528-08:00Dog Roll-FooA not very long time ago, in a living room far, far away, or close by, depending on where you are located, Little Miss noticed a disturbance in the force.<br />
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I knew it, she thought, it's Mothra! I must warn Obi-Ben Obi! <br />
<br />
I wonder what obi means, Skully, Little Miss's big brother from another mother thought.<br />
<br />
"Bark bark, growl, bark!" Little Miss said.<br />
<br />
"What is it girl? Did Timmy fall in the well again?" I asked.<br />
<br />
Who in the hell is this Timmy he keeps going on about? Little Miss wondered. And what's a well?<br />
<br />
"Bark roof! Bark! Grrr!" Little Miss explained. <br />
<br />
I looked to where she was looking and a giant moth was flying around, it's wings battering the air with such force it almost blew me over.<br />
<br />
Damn, that's a huge moth," I exclaimed. "Get it girl!"<br />
<br />
Little Miss sprang into action. She jumped and jumped, barking at Mothra the entire time. Skully joined in occasionally, but soon got bored and decided to watch the show instead.<br />
<br />
Mothra charged Little Miss, which was a tactical error because Little Miss caught one of it's wings and brought it down.<br />
A wild battle ensued. But Mothra was no match for the dog roll-foo that Little Miss had perfected. <br />
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<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uLQ6-D-gZh4/VG9AAiLXM7I/AAAAAAAABWY/lDnNg-l1LeU/s1600/IMG_0086.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uLQ6-D-gZh4/VG9AAiLXM7I/AAAAAAAABWY/lDnNg-l1LeU/s320/IMG_0086.JPG" /></a></div>More Dog Roll-Foo. Just in case.<br />
<br />
After capturing Little Miss's Dog Roll-Foo technique on my phone, I went to get get Mothra before Little Miss ground it into the rug.<br />
Seeing me approach, Little Miss quickly ate Mothra.<br />
<br />
"Okay, that will work too," I said. "Good girl! You saved the dojo!"<br />
<br />
I wonder what a dojo is? Skully wondered before Little Miss, amped up from the battle with Mothra decided to play dogs of war with Skully.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wY3lUduuZVE/VG8_e6HVO3I/AAAAAAAABWQ/9tj2Eh0TQ90/s1600/IMG_0087.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wY3lUduuZVE/VG8_e6HVO3I/AAAAAAAABWQ/9tj2Eh0TQ90/s320/IMG_0087.JPG" /></a></div>What the? Skully thought. Why you little...<br />
<br />
And it was on. Until Skully got bored and played dead. <br />
When that didn't work he hid behind me and pleaded, with puppy dog eyes for me to make Little Miss stop.<br />
<br />
That's Skully's secret power, puppy dog eyes. <br />
<br />
So I created a diversion with the one thing that could stop Little Miss. Her one weakness. Her kryptonite.<br />
<br />
"Who wants a snack?" I asked.<br />
<br />
Little Miss is no match for snack-foo. <br />
USS Ben USN (Ret)http://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2127590045913020385.post-30922595115536189842014-11-13T05:52:00.000-08:002014-11-13T05:52:46.632-08:00Dreams Come TrueRecently I found out the results of Patti's blood test. According to the results the cause of death was heart failure due to a combination of heart disease and high blood pressure and diabetes. I had to look it up except for the diabetes because it was in medical language.<br />
<br />
Patti was being seen for all three conditions but there was no indication death was imminent. She was in the early stages of heart disease and was taking meds to control the high blood pressure and taking insulin to control her blood sugar.<br />
She had a good doctor and saw several specialists the last few years so I doubt they missed anything.<br />
<br />
It was her time to go be with God. <br />
<br />
I am grateful to know what caused Patti to pass on. The physical aspect that is. I was resigned to the fact that I may never know, because that does happen. Still, it's a relief to know and I thank God. <br />
<br />
I have had several dreams in which Patti has appeared. Some are even comical in a sense, because in the dreams I am wondering how to tell her she had died without appearing insane because it seems she doesn't know she died and she acts as if nothing had happened.<br />
The first thing she mentions is what a mess the house is. <br />
<br />
I mean, it's pretty much clean, and I keep up with washing the dishes and doing laundry (most the time), but it is cluttered. And I tend to procrastinate a lot, although I finally got the truck winter ready. I needed new brakes, a tuneup and an oil change. Thankfully, the tires are still good.<br />
<br />
So anyways I'm trying' to find the right time in the dreams to tell Patti the news as she lectures me about keeping the house as ship shape as she did which causes me to smile.<br />
Then she asks me what is so funny and I'm at a loss for words.<br />
<br />
If I tell her she died will it hurt her feelings? <br />
<br />
Now I'm thinking maybe I'm procrastinating on purpose. My subconscious that is, so I'll see her more.<br />
Except now I consciously know. <br />
But yeah, I'll still keep doin' it if it means Patti will show up in my dreams.<br />
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USS Ben USN (Ret)http://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2127590045913020385.post-26747726607132892492014-10-25T19:57:00.000-07:002014-10-25T19:58:01.052-07:00Above N' Beyond<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/bohTOHvz1G8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br />
<br />
Good to be home. So WTH happened? Well, this is kinda embarassing but here goes:<br />
<br />
I was sprain some waterproof spray on my cowboy boots, this bein' the rainy season n' all. Everything was join' great 'til the heater clicked on.<br />
See, I have one of those floor heaters that blow hot air out. <br />
<br />
Now, I thought I was bein' careful. I read the warning label on the spray can. No sweat.<br />
But the heater had other ideas, no doubt inspired by Murphy, of Murphy's Law fame. <br />
The air blew as I was sprain' and as I felt the spray hit my face I automatically closed my eyes, which is a good thing cuz this stuff can really do a number on eyeballs.<br />
<br />
However, I forgot to stop breathing' or wasn't fast enough and I got a good whiff.<br />
Nothin' happened. Or so I thought.<br />
<br />
Two hours later, Murphy's Law went into effect and I started coughing' so much I could barely catch my breath.<br />
This wasn't like any cough I ever had. this went on for a few minutes and then stopped. But I could tell by trying' that I couldn't take a normal or deep breath without setting the coughing' fits.<br />
<br />
So I breathed more shallowy. "Okay, no problem. This will heal on it's own, right?"<br />
I got no answer. I felt a foreboding. I inhaled this stuff over two hours ago. Was it too late to go to the ER?<br />
But like a fool I weathered it out.<br />
<br />
Throughout the night I would have these coughing' fits then they would go away.<br />
More foreboding filled my mind.<br />
<br />
"okaaay...I'll get some sleep and hopefully, this will be gone by morning'."<br />
<br />
0500, I awoke to the most violenty coughing' fit yet. It just wouldn't stop and I felt myself getting' weaker by the second. It felt like I was gonna die.<br />
<br />
"Dammit! I'm a fool!" I thought, cuz I sure couldn't speak very well.<br />
So I called 911 and managed, after awhile and with extreme focus to tell the 911 guy the who, where, what stuff.<br />
<br />
Then I waited, and tried to remain calm...and prayed. <br />
19 minutes later the ambulance arrived and my coughing' fit subsided.<br />
"Oh great, now these guys will think I'm a hypochondriac or a nut."<br />
<br />
I met the EMT's on my porch so the dogs couldn't run out and explained to them what happened.<br />
One EMT guy advised me to go to the ER to make sure I was okay, but it was up to me if I wanted to stay home.<br />
I didn't hafta think about it, I chose the ER.<br />
<br />
I never rode in an ambulance so it was kinda cool. Although I didn't like vein' strapped down, but I let it slide.<br />
When I got to the ER I explained again what had happened and I had brought the can so the ER docs would have more to work with.<br />
<br />
They gave me a nebulizer treatment and steroids and I felt a lot better. About 80% better.<br />
When my blood test came back it indicated I had an infection, perhaps unrelated to the spray. So they gave me some heavy duty antibiotics just to make sure.<br />
<br />
Around 1130 a VA ambulance arrived and I was transferred to the Seattle VA. I didn't wanna go there but I didn't want more to pay for everything, so off I went.<br />
it's really weird to see everything from the back of an ambulance.<br />
Both the lady EMTS were really nice kids, around the age of my daughters.<br />
<br />
So we got to Seattle VA and I was taken to the second floor, put into a room, where they tok more blood.<br />
I was getting' a bit down when three beautiful lady doctors arrived to inform me they would be my doctors.<br />
They were all very nice and humorous ladies.<br />
I immediately felt remarkably better about the Seattle VA. <br />
<br />
When the blood tests came back one of the beautiful, lady docs arrived to tell me my white cell count had gone down. Her theory was my white blood cells had reacted to my lungs vein' irritated by the spray, but to be sure she ordered another blood test the following morning'.<br />
My x-ray had shown my lungs were clear and had no permanent damage. <br />
<br />
Later that evenin'beautiful Doc 2 arrived to check on me, and to tell me she concurred with beautiful Doc 1 about my diagnosis. <br />
<br />
Later still my nurse, Joe, asked me a bunch of questions they are required to ask. Am I suicidal? No.<br />
Am I homicidal? Not yet. <br />
How much do I drink? Good thing Skully ain't here, I thought.<br />
Do i get depressed? "Aye, I get depressed sometimes. I was depressed when my wife passed away, but I'm okay now," I replied.<br />
<br />
Joe offered a heartfelt condolence (I could tell) and I thanked him.<br />
He asked me more questions, but to my relief he didn't ask if I had any guns.<br />
<br />
Still later on I got a new nurse as the shift changed. <br />
She was a very nice lady, looked to be Phillipino. <br />
"I heard about your wife's passing and I'm very sorry," she said.<br />
<br />
"Thank you, I replied, taken aback somewhat that Joe spilled the bean, but that didn't bother me.<br />
<br />
She said a book helped her when she lost her husband and thought it could help me if I was interested.<br />
She also had searched online for an excerpt from the book and printed it out for me to read. <br />
I felt touched by her kindness and fought away some tears that were trying' to make a break for it. But a few escaped.<br />
<br />
"Thank you," I managed to say. <br />
<br />
"I hope this will help you," she replied, and left the room. <br />
<br />
The next mornin' a different Beautiful Doc 3 arrived to tell me the good news. The third blood test showed that my white blood cells were back to normal. They were probably bummed out that there was nothin' to fight and whined about another drill.<br />
I could go home, with the stern instruction from beautiful Doc 3 to go to the ER immediately if the coughing' resumed, or if I have any other symptoms, like coughing' up blood or pain in my lungs.<br />
<br />
A bit later Beautiful Docs 1 and 2 arrived to wish me farewell, and to see if I had any questions. I thanked them for helping' me get better.<br />
They also expressed their condolences at Patti's passing. <br />
I thanked them again. <br />
<br />
The EMT's, Docs, Nurses, janitor, everyone I met at Providence and the Seattle VA went above n' beyond their normal duties and I can't praise them enough for helping' me out. They were all great kids, close or right on to my daughter's ages.<br />
They give me a renewed hope that their generation just might turn out to be good. Regardless, they were good.<br />
<br />
That goes for you guys too! <br />
Thank you for your prayers and kind words. I don't feel alone any longer and I feel good known' I can call y'all friends, brothers and sisters.<br />
You truly have gone above n' beyond to help me, and I can't thank you enough (if I tried you might think I'm stalking you).<br />
<br />
And a big thank you to Phil, my Guardian Angel! He's really rackin' up the OT, and I hope he get's a big reward when it's my time to go.<br />
The Angelic Medal of Honor. Phil deserves it. He must be a special forces Guardian Angel because I can't imagine how hard it would be to be my Guardian Angel.<br />
<br />
And thank you Lord Father for hearing our prayers and answering them. I feel humbled, honored, and most of all...Loved. <br />
USS Ben USN (Ret)http://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2127590045913020385.post-90160463373455634582014-10-16T04:11:00.001-07:002014-10-16T04:11:08.752-07:00Soon, HopefullyI got a post lined up but I still need to actually write it. I have been busy. Had to get new brakes and I think a tune-up is needed soon on the truck.<br />
Catching up on cleaning now that I have more energy, mowed the lawn (hopefully for the last time this year), and trying to keep the clutter to a minimum. <br />
Got more stuff I wanna give to the Visiting Nurses and Salvation Army or Catholic charity that gives clothes and stuff to those less fortunate than myself.<br />
<br />
I also am now using Patti's Mac which is a bit different than the Ipad and more different still than the PC I had that burst into flames. <br />
Did I mention that? Hmm...no, I guess I didn't. I dunno. Well, since I dunno I'll pretend I didn't.<br />
<br />
It happened a few months before Patti passed away. I was talking to a tech guy because the computer was giving me problems and all of a sudden sparks and then flame shot out of the back of the hard drive.<br />
I kept my cool, fortunately, and immediately unplugged it, then I snuffed the flame out with an old flannel shirt I had nearby. <br />
<br />
"What did you do? Are you okay?" Patti asked.<br />
<br />
I picked up the phone.<br />
<br />
"Um, I gotta let you go," I said to the tech on the phone. "My computer just erupted in flames. Thanks for tour help."<br />
<br />
"Seriously?" The tech asked.<br />
<br />
"Yeah, it's fried. It's toast. Gotta go, bye." I replied, hanging up.<br />
<br />
"I'm fine and I didn't do nothin'," I said to Patti. <br />
<br />
"What happened?" She asked.<br />
<br />
"I dunno. It just shorted out then it caught on fire. Probably made in China. Damn commies!" I exclaimed.<br />
<br />
So Patti has let me use her Ipad since that happened, which is great, except it's difficult, time consuming or more time consuming and sometimes impossible for me to post the photos and/or videos I wanna post. The text is no problem. But the Mac should be able to handle the other stuff once I learn how.<br />
<br />
In a way I'm glad I no longer have a pc because I have had nothin' but bad luck with them freezing up or blowin' up.<br />
Not that it can't happen with a Mac, but Patti never had a problem with it at all. <br />
Plus, I got so sick of the brazillion updates for the pc nearly every day and microsoft making anything that works right into somethin' much worse with those updates (Motto for microsoft: if it works fix it until it don't).<br />
<br />
Anyways, I never hear about all these problems from Mac users. So I'm gonna give it a go. <br />
I am very thankful I have this option. <br />
Hopefully, soon I will get the new post up and be able to post more often. I really do wanna get back to the stories.<br />
<br />
<br />
USS Ben USN (Ret)http://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2127590045913020385.post-16034270998943283852014-09-24T11:27:00.002-07:002014-09-24T11:27:35.178-07:00Breaking PointI kinda feel like a wuss, but the pain from these gallstones has reached new heights so I'm headin' for the Madigan E.R..<br />
Seems like <br />
I used to tolerate pain better. Then again, maybe this is a sign. At any rate I ain't gonna take any chances.<br />
Don't wanna get gallstoned outta my gourd. <br />
<br />
I'm takin' my AyePad with me, so hopefully I can stay in touch from the hospital. I jest hope they don't screw up and amputate my legs or arms. Or worse. <br />
If for some reason I don't make it I want you guys to know it's been an honor to know you and to be accepted as a Raccoon, and <br />
i'll see you on the other side.<br />
Chances are it will be okay, but you know what they say about chances: leave nothin' to it. So I won't. <br />
<br />
Um, sorry to get all maudlin on you. I trust in God, so whatever happens will be okay. <br />
<br />
USS Ben USN (Ret)http://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.com43