Saturday, March 21, 2009

Kung Fu Illusionoir

Act 13: Nothin' Like The Real Thing, Baby!

"Akira!" Sensei shouted, rummaging through his desk drawers.

"What is it? Explain what is happening, Sensei," I said, before convulsing in more burnin' pain.

"Your soul is poisoned. Your senses will soon see everything differently, as your conciousness and unconciousness merge. You will not be able to see reality as you normally would, until your soul is cleansed. Don't believe everything you see and hear. You must extomition donce gooberloo..." Sensei said, and then I couldn't understand his words.

It was like he was speakin' another language.

"Whoa, speak english, Sensei," I said, as Akira rushed into the room.

Sennsei looked at me with incomprehension and spoke again. And now everything he said was in another language I didn't know. What gives? I wondered.
Akira spoke and like Sensei, I couldn't understand him.

"What in the hell is goin' on?" I asked, gritting my teeth and sweating from the pain.

Nothin'. Blank looks. Why can't they understand me? I pondered, as Sensei spoke to Akira in that odd language.


"Sensei, what is it?" Akira said.

"We must restrain Mack," Sensei said. "His soul is poisoned. Hurry! I have some rope here."

"What language is he speaking?" Akira asked.

"I don't know. He doesn't understand me any longer either. It has begun. Hurry!" Sensei commanded.

"Hai!" Akira replied, taking some rope and unravelling it. "Why are we restraining Mack? Isn't he paralyzed?"

"At the moment, yes. But I do not want to take needless chances in his present condition," Sensei said, beginning to tie the rope around Mack's arm.


Fear crept in as Sensei and Akira approached me. What's he doin' with that rattler? I wondered. Akira also had one as he approached me. Sensei began to wrap the rattlesnake around my arm and it bit me!

"Damnit What the f*ck are you doin'?!" I said, jumping up and backing away from the snake.

I looked at my arm and there were two fang marks where the rattler bit me. Damnit! Then it hit me. I can move! I realized. The pain was still there but I could finally move.

Sensei said something in that strange language and moved closer to me, as did Akira. Only it wasn't them. There eyes glowed an ominous red, and they both morphed into evil looking lizards with claws, and funky lizard eyes, kinda like that giant Gorn lizard on the original Star Trek, except they moved faster.
What happened to Sensei and Akira? I wondered.

"Stay back! I'm warning you!" I shouted. Whatever had happened, I wasn't gonna let them and their rattlers get me.

Gornkira grabbed my left arm and I punched him square in the face hard! Blood gushed from his lizard nose, and he looked shocked. I followed through with a solid kick to his gut and he went flyin' to the deck, landing hard on a desk and smashing it. Crash!

The other lizard, Gornsei, quickly grabbed my other arm and tried to take me down, but I was expecting that move. I drew him in and threw him, unceremoniously across the room with all my strength, sparked by fear and adrenaline. He landed on Gornkira, who was holding it's nose and just getting up. Gornkira's eyes opened wide as Gornsei landed on him, and it attempted to catch Gornsei, but it was too late, as they both went down among the ruins of the desk, rattlers and all. Crash!

I saw a sword on a pedestal near me and grabbed it. It was a Marasume sword, and it was beautiful! This sword belongs in my hand, I thought, hefting it and swinging it a few times in the air. It was perfectly balanced and I knew without checking it was razor sharp.

"God! It's good to be free!" I shouted, exhilarated that I could move and swishing my exquisite sword. What a fine work of art! I marvelled, admiring the superior craftsmanship.

Gornsei and Gornkira slowly got up and both shook their heads when they saw me with the sword. Gornkira talked quickly to Gornsei and Gornsei said one word. They both held their hands out, presumably showing they were unarmed and didn't wish to fight.
Except they were still holdin' the rattlers.

"Do you think I'm stupid or somethin'?" I asked, backing towards the door and keeping my sword pointing at them. Words were not needed to get my point across.

"I'm leavin' chumps, and you better not try to stop me if you value your scaley hides," I growled.

"Hwit doxal rabop?" A female voice said, behind me.

I whipped around quickly to see another work of art. A gorgeous lady with a golden-white skin that softly glowed and gama that wouldn't stop. She looked familiar but I couldn't recall who she is. I was certain she was an Angel, perhaps sent by God Himself to help me.

"Are you a captive here milady?" I asked, bowing, but keeping one eye on the giant lizards.

She spoke but I couldn't understand her. However, I could see that she liked me. Maybe that's a Heavenly language, I thought, in awe at her beauty and grace. Perhaps it is possible she isn't an Angel, I mused, but whatever she was, I was in love.

"Come with me, Beautiful," I said, grabbing her hand. "I'll protect you. Trust me."

She gazed at me with curiosity and smiled hesitantly. Gornsei said something but neither he nor Gornkira advanced.
Her hand! So warm, and the touch of her hand shot a thrilling force into me, causing my heart to do somersaults and heartwheels. As I gazed back into those golden brown eyes I was smitten! I knew without a doubt I loved this beautiful lady!

She was dressed in a soft pink dress that accentuated her already spectacular beauty. It really enhanced her ample breasts. It was extremely difficult to take my eyes off of her. I had to get her out of here, away from these monsters.

I gently pulled on her hand and she followed me as we exited the room. I furtively glanced around and saw what looked like an exit. I opened the door to nighttime, and a comfortably cool desert air.

Beautiful stopped and put on her shoes. I followed suit, reluctantly releasing her hand. It took longer than I wanted to find a pair of shoes that fit. After getting them on I stood up and again, and took the most wonderful hand I had ever held. So smooth and feminine. And she smelled better than anything I have ever sniffed. I couldn't recall everything I had sniffed but I was pretty sure about this, regardless.

Gornsei and Gornkira appeared at the entrance of the room I had escaped from and stopped. I shook my head and swished my sword a few times. The sign language of a warrior.

"If you follow me you will die," I said, ominously.

Gornsei said something and Beautiful nodded. Then it spoke some more. She understands his language? I pondered. Or maybe she just knows a few words, bein' a slave and all. Well, no matter. I'll rescue this fair princess, I decided. I couldn't leave her here with these disgusting creatures, and besides, I wanted to be with her. My heart leapt with a joy and a love I don't recal ever having at the mere sight of her!

I grew impatient with Gornsei's chatter, and gently pulled on Beautiful's hand.
She looked at me a long time, said something, and finally nodded and smiled again.

Then Gornsei shouted something and I stopped. He opened a concealed panel in the wall and pulled out a MK 11, 7.62mm semi-auto sniper rifle and several clips. He tossed the rifle to Beautiful and she caught it deftly and checked it out. Then he tossed several clips at our feet.

What the? Where did he get one of those? The SEAL's use them, and they ain't been around long. How do I know that? I mused. What's this mean? I wondered, picking up the clips and sticking them in all my pockets.

Man, Beautiful is stunning! I thought, looking at her holding the rifle. I wish I knew her name. Hell, I wish I knew mine. I couldn't remember anything past the rattlesnake bite. Odd, it ain't swelling up.

Everytime I looked at Beautiful, her dress looked a bit different. I wonder how that works? I wondered. Must be new technology or somethin'.

Then Gornsei tossed a back pack. I looked inside and there was survival gear. Knives, lighters, a first aid kit, some MRE's, duct tape, a few thermal blankets, and axe, a two-way radio, a flashlight, a .44 mag revolver with ammo, a water treatment kit, and other useful items. I didn't have time to go through it all.

Gornsei tossed five canteens of water and jackets, then said somethin' else. I gave a slight bow. I had no idea why lizard breath would help us, but I still couldn't trust it after that rattlenake bite. Plus, I didn't even know what in the hell it was! Some kind of alien? A genetic freakoid experiment gone bad or on purpose? That sounded more plausable. I squeezed Beautiful's hand, and she nodded, then we left, after donning the jackets, melting into the desert night.

There were fireflys flitting about in the distance. I looked up at the stars and saw Beautiful's face, arranged in a constellation. I stopped and hugged her then pointed to myself.

"I don't remember my name. Who are you?" I asked, pointing at her.

"She replied with what sounded like "Alune". Then she pointed to me and said "Bobo."

What? Bobo? What kinda name is that? I wondered.

I pointed to her ans said "Alune," then pointed to myself, "Bobo," I winced. Still, it's more mannerly to use her language, I thought.

Alune nodded and kissed me, then she hugged me. It was extremely difficult to pull away and get going, but I reluctantly did so. I found it odd that there were fireflys here, but I didn't know why. No matter, I thought, putting it outta my mind. No need to fret over it.

Mack said something, his voice tinged with betrayal, fear and anger.

"Mack, you must fight this illusion. We mean you no harm," Sensei said.

With anger, astonishment and fear Mack replied. It was obvious he wasn't going to lay back down and accept being restrained. His paralysis was gone.

Akira grabbed Mack by the arm but Mack punched him in the face and then kicked him across the room for good measure, demolishing Sensei's desk.

My desk! Sensei thought, upset about it's demise. Sensei grabbed Mack's other arm but soon realized Mack had anticipated that move, and was suddenly airborne, flying into Akira and what was left of his desk.

As Sensei and Akira slowly got up, they saw Mack grab Sensei's sword. They both shook their heads.

"This is not good," Akira said. "Has he gone mad? Looks like I have to shoot him."

"No!" Sensei said, adamantly. "He cannot see reality at this time. Show him we mean no harm, like this, Sensei said, spreading his arms out. Akira did the same.

Mack shouted triumphantly and swung the sword a few times, looking very pleased.

"Okay Sensei, I won't shoot him...unless he gets near my daughter. I'm sorry, but I cannot take that chance," Akira whispered.

"He won't hurt Hanna or Annie," Sensei whispered back.

"Are you sure?" Akira asked. Sensei didn't answer.

Mack said something sarcastically and backed towards the exit, pointing the sword at Sensei and Akira. Then he growled something else, threatening any interference.

"You can take him, Sensei," Akira whispered.

"Perhaps in his normal state of mind, but right now? No, I don't believe I can. Not without one of us getting seriously hurt or killed. He is confident and sure. He is not being hindered by all his uncertainties at this time," Sensei whispered the reply. "And he seems to have forgotten everything I told him."

"What's going on?" Annie asked, as she entered the room, looking in surprise at the smashed desk, and Akira's bloody face.

Then she saw that Mack was up and about, and smiled. He must be practicing, she thought, happy to see him moving again.

"Annie, the poison in Mack's soul has affected his mind and senses. I don't believe he will hurt you, but be careful and don't do anything he might construe as a threat," Sensei said. "He may not remember who you are, so don't get upset over that. Do not speak to us. We don't want Mack to think you are in league with us. He must believe that you are on his side. The way you are dressed, my dear will help convince him of that," Sensei said, raising an eyebrow. "Dang it! Now who will I find to cook dinner? Akira, where's Hanna? Can she cook yet?"


Annie blushed at the compliment, and poured on the charm, starting with pulling her shoulders back and thrusting her fine breasts out as she smiled at Mack.
Predictibly, Mack ogled her which caused annie to smile again. This won't be too difficult, Annie thought, realizing she had already forgiven Mack for his indescretion earlier with Hanna. Besides, he was paralyzed, mostly, at the time, so it's not like he initiated it.

Mack pulled on her hand and she followed, stopping at the door to put her shoes on.
Mack did the same, cautiously looking out.
After mack got his shoes on, he took Annie's hand again, obviously enraptured by annie.

Annie felt a jolt at Mack's touch, his rough and calloused strong and sure. She knew Mack would die defending her if need be, and that reassured Annie.
He lost his memory but still, she knew he would do this. It was part of his very being. She was more than a little turned on by Mack's rock hard muscles and tough guy looks.

He was like some knight, a hero, come to save her and treating her like a princess.
And Annie knew he would never intentially hurt her. Chilvalry was not dead. Sure, Mack had flaws but she could live with those flaws. One of those flaws recently caused her pain, but she dealt with that already, and had forgiven Mack after her fight with Hanna.

She had loved mack since the day she laid eyes on him. She couldn't explain it and it didn't make sense. She just knew. Never before had she believed in love at first sight...until she met Mack.

Her man-hating feminist acquaintences at the hospital and more recently, at the CIA would be in a tizzy if they could see her now, wearing a dress and perfume, shaving her legs and armpits, plucking her eyebrows, wearing a bit of make-up and lipstick, and dressing like a lady and not a like a man. Often, Annie had wondered how anyone could live with that kind of bitterness and the total, mistrustful hate those feministas projected on every man was ridiculous.

She felt pity that those women would never know the touch or relationship of a real man.
They didn't know what they were missing. How anyone could stand the soft, limp-wristed and clammy touch of those metrosexuals was beyond her. They creeped her out.
That's why she refused to be a bureaucrat. Well, one very big reason.

Annie had been a nurse, and was recruited by her now divorced husband to be a CIA operative. This was the toughest undercover work she had done yet. Without Mack she wouldn't be getting anywhere close to the head of the Yakuza.

Oh how she wanted to tell him. She had come so close at times. And she had disobeyed orders. Instead of getting close to Yukio, she had gotten close to Mack. But this was working out better than the stupid ass bureaucrat's plan.

Her "sister" was another CIA agent, and she had already escaped, thankfully. Of course, Yukio would never admit that. She would have to tell Mack, when he got over this poison thing.

I...I love him, Annie realized, smiling fondly at Mack. Will he love me when he learns the truth? God, I hope so. If he does, I'm quitting the CIA. I can't do this kind of work, no, I won't, if I have a man like Mack in my life. Why would I want to? If I have to, I'll be a nurse again.

But down deep, Annie wanted children. And she wanted to be a full time wife and mom, like her grandma was. But first, I have to help Mack take down these Yakuza thugs, she thought.

What about Akira and Hanna? They seemed like good people...not Yakuza. Why were they here working for Yukio? I'm sure Hanna hasn't murdered anyone, but what about Akira? Why was he so nice? So many mysteries to unravel, and she was running out of time.

"Wait!" Sensei shouted, opening a secret panel. He pulled out a cool looking rifle and through it to Annie.

"Thanks!" Annie said, looking closely at the sniper rifle. She had heard of these, but had never tried it out. Not only was it a sniper rifle but it could be used effectively in close combat as well.

"Expecting trouble?" She asked, worriedly.

"Yes," Sensei replied. "Be careful."

Annie nodded as Sensei threw the rest of the supplies over.

"You are more than a cook and a pretty face, aren't you?" Sensei asked.

Annie looked up at Sensei and didn't say anything. What does he know? She wondered. Akira pretended not to hear but she knew he did. Crap. Now what?

"Don't worry about Akira," Sensei said, reading the situation perfectly.

Annie studied Akira carefully. Did he just grin?

"We all need to have a long talk after your little hike," Sensei said. "Mack is going to need you like never before. But don't worry, he will not hurt you, I am certain of it."

Mack squeezed her hand and she nodded. Then Annie the princess, and her knight melted into the desert night.


"You're letting him go?" Akira asked, frustrated.

"Yes I am. You know we will never get that sword from him without someone getting hurt or killed," Sensei said.

"Yes, I know. But did you have to give them guns?" Akira asked.

"The desert can be very dangerous," Sensei said, putting a hand on Akira's shoulder. "And...I sense there is more in the desert tonight than just coyotes and rattlesnakes. We better get prepared."

"Company?" Akira asked. "How did they find us? The GrandMaster must have sent them."

"Quite a few," Sensei said. "Go...tell Hanna. I call dibbs on the shotgun. You can have the M-14. It's old but it works okay. Give Hanna the Winchester. I miss my sword already," Sensei said, frowning.

"I'll extinguish the lights," Akira said. "You got more swords, Sensei."

"Yes, but none like that one Mack-san took. Did you see that? The sword chose him! Well, he will need it more than I. Tonight the desert will be soaked with blood."

"What's goin' on gramps?" Hanna asked, walking in from the kitchen and looking around with eyebrows raised. "Where is Mack and Annie? What's with all the guns?"

"And swords," Akira said, bringing some swords from the kitchen. "There are bad men coming, dear," Akira said, hugging Hanna. "And they are sent to murder all of us. But their main target is Mack, I think."

"How do you know?" Hanna asked.

"Sensei knows, and you know he is never wrong when he senses these things," Akira said.

"Because, little one. Because I listen," Sensei said, hugging Hanna. "Now, you do exactly as I say, you hear?"

"Oh gramps! You really do care," Hanna said, smiling. "But someone better tell me where Mack and Annie is!"

"Your father knows," Sensei said, walking into the living room and sitting on the floor.

"Ahem. Yes, well Hanna, you see, it is like this," Akira said nervously, handing her a sword and the winchester 30-30.



sensei said...

Crud! I liked that desk!

julie said...

Hm. Just I suspected, there's more to Annie than meets the eye.

As an aside, Stephen King may be kind of a jerk, but I loved the Gunslinger series.

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Sorry Sensei, but when you turn into a giant lizard with a rattlesnake rope, somethin's gotta give. :^)

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Hi Julie-

I had no idea King wrote that. I just thought the cover looked cool. And yeah, jerk is one word I would use for him.
But I cooncur, he has written some interesting stories.

Yes, finally we are learnin' a bit about Annie. Well, except for Mack who's goin' nuts at the moment.

KuntryMama's Klatch said...

Skully you are clever, funny and as cute as the fuzz on a puppy's behind! Thanks for reading me your story.

The Wench

Skully said...

Yer welcome Wench. Now where's my grog?

Robin Starfish said...

Damn lizards, they're everywhere these days. And yer tellin' me now they're an illusion??

walt said...

I kept thinking all day about how Sensei "knew" that bad guyz were coming -- I believe you mentioned "Sensei sensing," or something.

By using his sensory apparatus, he was just being sensible, don'chu? I mean, it only makes sense, since it would have been senseless to have a live-cam out in the desert -- "(snicker) Oh, look! Another wild boar!" -- so to portray him as sensitive fits the narrative, and might even make the sensuous Annie (a sensational woman, btw, whose future is certainly in front of her) attracted to him. Perhaps he should show her his seniti (a Tongan money table -- look it up) to arouse her sensibilities. Of course, adding greed to sex and violence might just sensationalize the story too much. But I, being sensate, know you know all these things, since a Raccoon's vision is like a delicate sensor, and you've been sensitized to the ways of sensual women by Skully's wench.

Maybe Robin will write a senryu about Illusionoir?

Keep 'em coming, Cap'n!

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Ha ha! Hi Dojo-

Well, you know what they say about illyouzen, doncha?

Those doggorn lizards! What's next? :^)

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Good points all, Walt!

Yes, someone as a-tuned as Sensei who gnos his piece of desert can "sense" any changes, however subtle. And we know he would never cheat with desert cams.

Now, Sensei and Annie gettin' it on? That would be...interesting.
I hadn't even considered that. Sensei is a mans man afterall. He better hope Annie don't find his secret stash of bras though. :^)

The illyouzen will get much worse before it gets better...if Mack survives of course.
How will he sort things out? Will his memory return? Does he WANT^ his memory to return? And will his feelings for Alune...I mean Annie triumph over illusion and soul poison?

BTW, the Alune and Bobo references do have a history. Anyone know where those words came from? (Hint: it's very funny and it has a Starr in it).

walt said...

Alune, no.

But Bobo, no problemo:
former middleweight champion and light-heavyweight contender Bobo Olson.

Who else, right?

Star? Of course he was a star -- until Sugar Ray Robinson clocked him!

Do I win something?

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...


Ha! Um, no. Creative find, though.


Circa: 1981

There were very few words in the movie. Bobo meant friend, and alune meant love (or lust, in some cases).
Barracka meant fire, ha ha! Little did they know.

The 5.3 rating they give it (out of 10) is bogus. This was a hilarious flick, with lot's of replay value. One of the funniest flicks I ever seen, so those doofuses at IMDB don't know bupkis about humor.

Just sayin'. :^)

mushroom said...

I missed Caveman but I remember Quest for Fire from about that time period.

Nice work, Ben. I was kind of hoping the Hanna incident was a dream-state thing -- being old fashioned. But since Annie is a divorced CIA operative, I can live with it. Good choice on the sniper rifle -- I'm thinking the Barrett M98B in .338 Lapua would be a little much for Annie -- and not nearly as useful at close quarters.

I'm with Sensei on the remaining firearms. As my nephew says, the shotgun is my weapon of choice.

King has written some good stuff but a lot of his longer works The Stand, for example are very uneven. And he is a jerk, and a BoSox's fan -- but I repeat myself.

Bogie said...

Remines me of a time I was tailin' some hippie chick on account of her ol' man wondered where she'd run off to. I played like a tourist, and asked her fer directions to th' Golden Gate Bridge. She invited me in fer mushrooms and coffee, an' she put three or four sugar cubes in mine. I tol' her I didn' like so much sugar, but she said these cubes was special. Well, they hadda been more special than her mushrooms, cuz those there mushrooms was the nastiest tastin dish I had since I divorced my third ex-wife. But lemme tell yez, Mack I never seen so much of the inside of the outside of things as I did that night. The hippie chick showed me some insides too! She wasn't so bad once ya got past the hairy parts. Like her legs, and armpits...


USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Hey Mushroom-
"I was kind of hoping the Hanna incident was a dream-state thing -- being old fashioned."

Me too. I hate when that happens.

Wow, you really know your sniper rifles, Mushroom.
Good thing I didn't give Annie the .50 cal., then. :^)

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...


Too much info, pal. You'll never get gillette to sponser your next flick by talkin' about sugarcubes that way. Folgers maybe, but not gillette.