Sunday, September 20, 2009

Where's My BIB?

Hey, it's not like I gotta lotta stuff, but...I do have enough stuff so that when I go lookin' for somethin', like oh, let's say my e-mail address book, it's virtually impossible to find.

Okay, let's jump into my nifty time machine and go backwards in time to the past, circa: a few days ago.
Here I was (or there I was) doin' computer stuff when voila! I noticed all my e-mail addresses had vanished into...thin err!
WTH? How did...? Patti?! (Patti is my personal computer tech., who techses my 'puter when this sort of thing happens).

After 'splainin' to patti what the deal was, she shrugged her shoulders and said "What did you do?"

As if it was MY fault. I retained my composure and the last shred of dignity I put away for a rainy day and said, "Nothin'...REALLY!"

Blink. Blink. Actually we both blinked. It was a Mexican blink off. I was prepared to blink for hours if necessary, 'cause I know I didn't do nothin' to erase no
e-mail addresses. Purty sure, anyway.

"Well, you'll just have to re-enter them," Patti said, goin' back to doin' whatever it was she was doin' before I interupted her.

Ha! I won! I thought. She broke the Mexican blink off! Somehow, the victory seemed hollow though.

But not to worry, 'cause I wrote them down in my trusty BIB (Black Internet-Address Book) (BIAB sounds really moronic, so I shortened it to BIB). I woulda gotten a green one but GIB don't make no sense as an acronym. Sounds stupid, so black it was.

I was purty sure I put it somewhere close by, for situations just like this. But the more I searched, the more I questioneed the state of mind I was in (or lack thereof) when I prepared for this emergency.

How can I be so stupid? I wondered, feverishly searchin' all the logical places I would put the BIB. Maybe Patti moved it, I thought. Yeah, that must've been what happened.

"Patti, have you seen my BIB?" I asked.

"Your WHAT?" She replied, puzzled.

"You know, my BIB, the Black Internet-Address Book," I answered.

"Shouldn't it be be BIAB?" She asked, grinning.

"I...I...shortened it, so it wouldn't sound like I'm an idiot," I replied, testily.
Too late, the voice in the back of my mind said.

As I throttled the voice in the back of my mind it occured to me that it might possibly be right...maybe. But it felt good to throttle the voice in the back of my mind, because it's always right, dammit!

"Are you okay?" Patti asked, with an amused puzzled look.

"Yes, I'm fine!" I said a bit too loudly.
Stupid voice! I thought.

"Where did you put your...BIB?" Patti asked, tryin' not to laugh.

"I don't know," I answered, feelin' my face turn red.

"Then how would I know if I moved it?" Patti asked, doin' a remarkable job keeping some semblance of her composure.

How would she know? I wondered.

"Because it's black, and about this big," I gestured with my hands, gettin' frustrated.

"Well, there is lots of black books that big around the house," Patti replied.

You're enjoying this, ain't you? I thought, losing my patience.

"Did you move ANY BIB's in the room?" I asked.

"Hmm, I'm not sure. When are we talking about?" Patti asked.

"When? WHEN? I don't know!" I replied, exasperated.

"When did you make your...BIB?" Patti asked, beginning to lose it.

"I dunno, a few years ago? What difference does that make?" I countered.

"When did you last see your BIB?" Patti asked.

"How would I know?" I replied. "Look, have you seen it or not?"

"No, I don't think I have seen your BIB," Patti replied, now openly laughing.

Maybe I shoulda got the gray one, I thought, hastily retreating as dignified as I could...which is to say without any dignity whatsoever.

Yeah, GIB woulda sounded MUCH better, the voice quipped.

Shut up! I thought, as I resumed my search.

So anyways, I'm still lookin'. When I find my BIB, I'll definitely put it in a logical place this time, you can be assured of that. However, in the meantime, may I impose on your good will my friends?
Would you please send me an e-mail. ANY e-mail will do. It don't hafta be fancy or nothin'. In fact, you can just type one letter and send it. It'll be quick, easy, and painless that way.

I thank you all in advance for your boundless charity.
Heh. It dawned on me I didn't supply my e-mail address, and what if? I thought, what if some of youse guys also lost yer e-mail addresses? So here it is:
ussben AT (meanin' @) msn.com
No spaces or parentheses. I learnt to write it that way to trick all the spammers spammin' my blog. 'Cause I don't like spam. I like REAL ham. So if ya wanna ham me, that's okay (I prefer spiral ham, but any ham will do...and bacon is also more than acceptable, if yer a baconer). Just keep the spam away. It's bad enough my 'puter tech likes that stuff.
Actually, I think my e-mail address is on my sidebar but I'm too lazy to look.

BTW, since the spam people are called spammers why ain't the ham people called hammers?

3 comments:

Your Internet Company said...

Ben,
Why did you send us this little black book?
Love,
Your Internet Company

Ricky Raccoon said...

Jus kiddin, Ben. That was me.
:o)
Email is one the way...

jwm said...

I dunno, Ben. You can get Spam sushi around these parts- if you know the right places, and can speak Spameezelish well enough to order off the menu. It's pretty tasty once you get past the idea of raw Spam.

JWM