Tuesday, September 18, 2012
I Can't Believe
The house is lonely without my wife Patti here. Too lonely...even for me. There are times I crave being alone, at least for awhile, but not like this. Because part of ain't here. The best part of me. She had surgery about 7 weeks ago for trigger finger. It was almost healed up when it got infected. Unfortunately, the infection was worse than Patti and I thought (there was no telltale signs of a usual bad infection that we could see) and Patti needed surgery to get it out. That was Tuesday. Today, the doc says she needs another surgery because this infection just won't go away. God, her hand already is completely black and blue from the first surgery. I can only imagine how much it hurts even with the pain meds. I can handle when I'm sick, but it hurts 100 times more when my wife or kids (they're grown up now but they'll always be our kids) are hurt or sick. If all goes well, Patti may be able to come home on Saturday. I hope n' pray that happens. And I'm tryin' real hard to ignore the nagging doubt lingering in my mind that Patti may lose her hand. She has diabetes so it is, sadly, a possibility. But I don't think that for long because it's more productive to pray. That's all I can do. Sometimes, that pisses me off that I can't do more. But if I had the power to do more than I already have I'm certain I would find a way to screw it up. So it's best to leave situations like this in God's hands. I know that. I reckon prayer just ain't one of my strong suits. I don't like to ask God for help unless I absolutely need it. How often do I pray when it's not for asking for help for others or myself? Not nearly enough. Mostly I have wordless communion but sometimes words are needed. Just because I can't always find the right words doesn't mean I shouldn't try. That sounds muddled but God gets what I'm saying. God, I miss my wife.