Tuesday, September 18, 2012

I Can't Believe

The house is lonely without my wife Patti here. Too lonely...even for me. There are times I crave being alone, at least for awhile, but not like this. Because part of ain't here. The best part of me. She had surgery about 7 weeks ago for trigger finger. It was almost healed up when it got infected. Unfortunately, the infection was worse than Patti and I thought (there was no telltale signs of a usual bad infection that we could see) and Patti needed surgery to get it out. That was Tuesday. Today, the doc says she needs another surgery because this infection just won't go away. God, her hand already is completely black and blue from the first surgery. I can only imagine how much it hurts even with the pain meds. I can handle when I'm sick, but it hurts 100 times more when my wife or kids (they're grown up now but they'll always be our kids) are hurt or sick. If all goes well, Patti may be able to come home on Saturday. I hope n' pray that happens. And I'm tryin' real hard to ignore the nagging doubt lingering in my mind that Patti may lose her hand. She has diabetes so it is, sadly, a possibility. But I don't think that for long because it's more productive to pray. That's all I can do. Sometimes, that pisses me off that I can't do more. But if I had the power to do more than I already have I'm certain I would find a way to screw it up. So it's best to leave situations like this in God's hands. I know that. I reckon prayer just ain't one of my strong suits. I don't like to ask God for help unless I absolutely need it. How often do I pray when it's not for asking for help for others or myself? Not nearly enough. Mostly I have wordless communion but sometimes words are needed. Just because I can't always find the right words doesn't mean I shouldn't try. That sounds muddled but God gets what I'm saying. God, I miss my wife.


julie said...

Oh, that sounds wretched! It's hard enough to be apart from your spouse; a million times worse when it's because they are ill.

Prayers for you both, and may she have a swift recovery!

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Thank you Julie!
I really appreciate your prayers!

After writing this post I was reminded of something my Grandpa said about prayer when I was a boy.

"Ben, when you pray, talk to God like you would talk to me. Don't try to use any fancy words you wouldn't normally use."

Grandpa is still givin' me advice. Thanks Grandpa. :^)

robinstarfish said...

Yep, I'm with you on the prayer thing. My favorite is "Help!" In fact, my only one. All the others are just me flapping lip to God.

So, on Patti's behalf, "Help!"

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Thanks Don!

"Help!" is quite sufficient I think. It goes right to the point. :^)

Joan of Argghh! said...

The bible speaks of the woman who goes to her neighbors and implores them to give her bread because she has unexpected guests to entertain.

I see prayer like that. Asking others to share my unexpected burdens, and my need to sustain them, with a little outside assistance. So go ahead, ask us, ask all the angels in heaven and the saints that have gone before you (are we not all at the same communion table?) to provide to you and for you what you cannot provide for yourself.

The J.R. and I will also go to our Heavenly neighbor and tell Him of how we are burdened for your sake, and could He please provide for you and Patti a way out and up?

After that, we must be still and know. . .

As Don says, "Help!"

Hugs to you and Patti both.

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Thank you so much, Joan!

That's a wise lesson and timely!
It's also very humbling.
In todays topsy turvy world (little Airplane reference there for any younguns that may be reading) I am always awe-inspired to see how much good there is.

And it melts the hell out of the cynical shell I often hide behind.

The Angels and Saints and folks like you guys do care and we have broken bread together in spirit.

Gosh! Thank you! :^)
Big 'ol sailor hugs to you guys.

John Lien said...

Praying for Patti and you, Ben.

(I consider all Y'all as virtual church members.)

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Thank you John!

Your prayers are greatly appreciated!

Fellow church members is a great way to describe our virtual, but real and true relationships.
I feel the same way you do. We are all brothers and sisters under the pelt!

As a plus, there's no church politics to deal with. Raccoons have far better ways to spend their time n' slack. :^)

Rick said...

Oh Ben, so sorry to hear about Patti's and your sufferin. Prayers on the way...

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Thank you Rick, I'm much obliged!

I saw Patti today and the surgery went okay. Now she needs to stay at Madigan Army hospital until they can determine they didn't miss anything and that the infection is gone.

They have her on what I like to all the nuclear option of antibiotics.

If all goes well Patti may be able to come home on Saturday.