Saturday, October 29, 2011

Welcome To The Doh!jo

What do you do when yer computer crashes? Well, I spend more time on my hobbies (yeah, as if I had a choice).
Hey, when life gives you lemons you break out the tequila. Or was that limes. No matter, both work sufficiently.

"My computer is dead Love," I said, shaking my head.

"Let me see," Patti replied grabbing my keyboard.

Hours later...

"Yep, it's dead alright. I'll try a few other things..." Patti said.

Days later...

"Why won't it go to the restore point?" Patti asked.

I didn't answer 'cause I knew this was a rhetorical question. Any attempt at humor at this point would only bring...The Glare! So I kept my trap shut.

After trying everything she knew, Patti talked to several tech people over the days to no avail. The last tech guy suggested trying to download stuff via a disc he was mailing since dial-up is too slow for a lot of big stuff.

To while away the time I became depressed. Not because I couldn't get the net (okay, maybe a little because of that) but due to something else...something that has been building up in a crescendo...a crescendo of pain.

I believe I may have mentioned I have periperal neuropathy in my feet and lower legs (sometimes in my hands now too).
Anyways, the pain I get from it has gotten a helluva lot worse. I mean, I got pain before but never at this level for such a sustained amount of time.
Almost feels like shingles sometimes but deeper and without the itching (in which I'm extremely grateful for!).

However, besides the burning I also get stabbing sensations which always makes me check to see if I stepped on a fork or got bit by a giant tarantula or funnel web spider. Yeah, I know we ain't got 'em here in Washington state (that I know of) but hey, it is remotely possible they escaped from some exotic animal collector and found their way to my house to bite my feet.
Actually, come to think of it, scorpions or rattlers would be more likely but still a remote possibility.

The funny thing is, this is most likely caused by the drugs I take to fend off AIDS (although it could also be caused by AIDS too, there's no way to know for sure).
If I stop taking the drugs worse crap awaits so that's not an option. Although I irrationally consider it sometimes. But still not an option.

I also get this charlie horse kind of pain too. It's so odd that there's so many types of pain associated with peripheral neuropathy but nerves are funny that way. If you have it you're in on the joke but that's one joke I hope you never experience.

Here's where some (hollywood cliched movies) would say "I wouldn't wish it on my greatest enemies." but I can't honestly say that. Because I do wish it on those jihadist bastards and rapists. And child molesters. And people that torture animals. And politicians that love tyranny over liberty.
Wow. Come to think of it, there's a lot of people I wish this on. I guess I'm not as "high" minded as most hollywood types are. You can probably tell how broken up I am about that. :^)

Where was I? Oh yeah, well I've been taking morphine and neurotin which does help take the edge off but never completely.
So I get all depressed which really sucks because depression ain't my thing and I get into this funk (not the good kind).
Malaise. Gloomy Gus. Woe is me. Yada yadda yadda, break out the violins.

So even after Patti gets "the disc" and gets my computer working again I'm too busy bein' depressed to do more than check out my favorite blogs when I could.
And feel bad for not taking the time to write a quick note. Depression is so paralyzing I reckon.

Thankfully, I got tired of bein' depressed. Besides, it's very overrated. What helped me break through The Fog was a film called The Rite.
When I watched it I thought it was just another exorcist kind of film, but it's based on true events and the director was purty much faithful to the book: The Making Of A Modern Day Exorcist (I found this out later).
Whether you believe in demon possession or not I highly recommend The Rite which delves into so much more than the usual hollywood style exorcism flicks.

You see, I wasn't just physically and mentally depressed, I had become spiritually depressed.
I was vaguely aware of it, but I jest couldn't bring myself to do what needed to be done.
Sure, I prayed. Really short prayers that got shorter. But that was it.
I felt like I was stranded in the desert and being attacked by giant tarantulas and funnel web spiders (and scorpions and rattlers).
It was no longer a remote possibility. It was happening. For real!

Actually, it would've been more interesting if I was possessed, I suppose, but mysteriously enough the film I mentioned wasn't so much about exorcism as it was about regaining faith.

Somehow, I had lost a plethora of faith. I had forgotten who I am in I Am. The third Aye, so to speak.
Once I was aware of what I already knew the depression...vanished.

I can't tell you how good it is to be back to my jovial self. But I know you guys gno how good it is so I don't have to. :^)

So I have decided to pursue my hobby of crime fighting as well as blog n' comment on your blogs more frequently.
Aye! Chehalis has a new guardian to mete out justice, so criminals: tremble and beware!

Of course I need a name but that's harder than it appears. Good superhero names don't just grow on trees.
Lessee, Chess Man? You know, because I got knight vision. No, Chess Mon. Yeah that should strike fear in the hearts of criminals (that still have hearts to strike fear into).

Okay, so why have a name anyway? "The guardian with no name" sounds more mysterious doncha think? Any suggestions? Periperal Noropathy Man (with peripheral vision)?
Cap'n Crackle?

Oh, and I need a suit but I absolutely refuse to wear tights. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I should also hide my identity. Okay...bit too late for that I guess. Heh. Oh well, at least I don't hafta wear a mask. But the location of my The Guardian With No Name Cave is still a secret. Little help here guys? That sounds lame.
I know, The Doh!jo of Cap'n Chin Fu Doh! Yeah, that kinda fits...on so many levels.

PS- So far I haven't detected any criminal activity but I will keep you posted.

PPS- I think I'll take a break a brew some tasty Costa Rican. Here's to Kath (Ximeze) who introduced me to this outstanding joe.


mushroom said...

To while away the time I became depressed.

Ben, you are the only person I know who can make that a funny line.

I know that I speak for many in saying we are glad you're back.

My wife and son are both Type I juvenile-onset diabetics and have dealt with neuropathy, primarily in their feet and legs. When it flares up, it is unbearable. The narcotic-type drugs are about the only way they can get any relief.

It is rough.

julie said...

Ben, it really is good to see your words again. Also, your post made me think of this.

I like your solution better, though. As to a name, that last one sounds good to me.

Funny you mentioned Kathy - I was just thinking about her last night.

julie said...

*In case it's not obvious to anyone, of course the linked situation & Ben's are totally different, I just thought she did a good job of nailing the thought processes of depression.

AndrewPrice said...

Ben, I'm glad you're back! I missed your insightful comments! :)

Rick said...

Man, are you a thought for sore melons.
Been thinkin' about you more and more so, lately. Won'dren. Worryin' Then I seas that's been goin' around the 'sphere.
Glad yer back.

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Hi Mushroom and thank you!

I do try to find humor even when I'm at my most cynical, jaded or depressed.
Even if I don't feel like laughing I can use about it later when I'm more receptive to it.
At least that's my working theory behind it.

Sure, it may sound like crazy laughter. Perhaps slightly maniacal to some (but not Joker maniacal).

I forgot to mention, one thing I have tried that may work for your wife and son is the feet in iced water for a half hour or so.
It does help more often than not for temporary relief (doesn't work for the other symptoms and obviously can't be done when one must be mobile or needs to be at school, work, etc., but hopefully will help).

Best narcotic I ever took was oxycontin. Unfortunately, the VA and military only give that to you when your dying (or expected to die).

Too habit forming "they" say. My doc disagrees but he has to follow the rules written by some damn bureaucrat who can't find his ass with both hands and his head up it.

Some idiot od's or abuses it and ruins it for everyone else.
They don't make exceptions for those of us who never have abused narcotics.
It's like gun control except with pills.
Only the criminals get them.

In ten years they'll probably do the same for OTC pain relievers.

Say, my list of those I would wish this on has just gotten longer, lol.

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Thanks Julie!
I had forgotten about Hyperbole And A half!
She's hilarious! That's a purty accurate representation of depression. Good to see she has some new posts up.

Serendipity strikes again. I think about Kathy everytime I brew me the coffee she turned me on to. Now I'm a coffee snob too (but not the monkey crap kind).
They got Costa Rican at Walmart now so it's cheaper than online. :^)

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Hi Andrew and thanks!

I miss my insightful comments too (um, which ones were insightful again?). :^)

Speaking of insightful (and humorous), it looks like your humble blog is nearing the one million mark and that's why!
And your Big Hollywood posts are still popular I see.
Good to see your hard work paying off (even though you ain't gettin' paid for it, yet). :^)

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Hey Rick!

Did you say sore melons? Patti was just tellin' me the other day, something similar.
Not my fault! Honest!

Er, anyways, yes, I noticed that too (about the 'sphere that is) (no, not those spheres).
I hope everyone is up n' runnin' soon.

Joan of Argghh! said...

Welcome back, Ben!

[insert happy dance here]


USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Hi Joan!

Thank you! It's so good to see ya! I hope everything is goin' well in your neck of the woods.

I miss your blog but I understand the constraints of time even as a retired naval geezer.
Slack is a precious commodity and here's to more slack in your future.

AndrewPrice said...

Thanks Ben!

The BH stuff is nice, though it just adds more work to my increasingly packed day! Yikes.

My new project is to work on that book I was talking about several weeks ago about films.

In the meantime, we just keep chugging along. :)

robinstarfish said...

Hey no fairs! I wrote a pithy remark here a coupla daze ago and apparently some foul breeze came up and blew it away. I guess. Anyway, I was wasting away from a lack of Vitamin Ben. I feel much better now.

And oh yeah. Any name with Doh!jo in it is a-ok with me.

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Hi there DoJo!

Thanks! I was wondering how I would get around the delicate copyright issue.
I do think you should get 20% of all profits from this post. No, really, I insist! :^)

Sorry about your comment disappearing. I know how frustrating that can be sometimes.
It's one of the bad side effects of using blogger I hope they actually fix someday.

When I hit the million mark in profits from this blog (or even a few grand) I'll start my very own doh!main. :^)

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

I know it'll be a good book Andrew.
hopefully BH will let you do an exceprt and talk about it. Least they can do for bringing more commenters I think. :^)

You know, I just realized I have virtually met some good authors and quite a few good lawyers since I've been using the 'net.

Two professions I had very little contact with (on any level) before getting a computer.

Oh, and good pychologists/psychiatrists that ain't leftist. I was beginning to wonder if they even existed.

I knew good lawyers existed because I watched Matlock and Perry Mason a few times back in the day, LOL.
I keed, I keed.

Mizz E said...

Hey Ben, I did not want the sun to set today before expressing my deep appreciation for your words and service to the cause of Liberty everywhere. May God bless you richly.

Hugs, Tanis

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Hi Tanis!

It's so good to hear from you!
How are things in Texas? Hope all is well.

Thank you dear lady and God bless you!!!