Sunday, May 9, 2010

You Shout And No One Seems To Hear

Grueling. It's been a grueling week for me.

I have loaded and unloaded our van twice, taking stuff we no longer need to Visiting Nurses. There was a LOT of yarn since patti can no longer crochet or knit due to carpal tunnel in both hands and arthritis.
I feel bad for her 'cause she really enjoyed makin' baby clothes n' stuff. Unfortunately, surgery to fix the carpal tunnel is at least two or three years away (welcome to socialized healthcare).

Speakin' of healthcare, I got some morphine a few weeks ago. I rarely take pain pills, but sometimes I gotta if I wanna do anything other than lie down in agony and try to focus on good stuff rather than pain, or, if I'm feelin' adventurous, exploring the metaphysics of pain, but that's a post for another time.

Only, there was a slight problem. I failed to count the pills at the VA and soon discovered there was only a weeks supply. Since I signed for them there is no way to prove it.
Agony was delighted to see me after the pills were gone.

This made the past week much more...interesting.

You might say i have been in a state where I let out a "silent scream" but no one hears that scream.
No one but Him, of course.

But what do I say to Him? "Please God, don't hurt me no more?"

Well, it ain't God hurtin' me, I know that much, but I laughed my ass off at the phrase when I read it a long time ago. I dunno where I read it but it stuck with me as funny stuff tends to do.

Lessee, what else did I do? Oh yeah, I helped Patti take all the food off the shelves and move them, followed by cleaning up under and behind them (it wasn't purty I tell you what), and then restocked the shelves minus a few cans of stuff that expired a long time ago.

While I was cleaning I wondered how easy it is to catch hantavirus from mouse turds. It's not the first time I wondered that very question.
Now, I have cleaned up mouse turds before, including several dead mice caught in our mouse traps.
Country livin' practically guarantees you'll get mice unless you live in a hermetically sealed house.

All you can do is try to keep up and kill as many of the little rat bastards as you can. I often think of the slimy politicians we have while performing this task, particularly the scum that our raise taxes and take my liberties away.
Incidently, they love Skippy's peanut butter. The mice, although politicians prolly do too. A dab will do ya.

I also had some garbage to take to the dump, and more this following week since Patti is on a spring cleanin' roll.

Personally, I think spring cleanin' is overrated.
I mean, I don't feel better havin' done all this. Not physically anyway, and I admit that clouds my judgement somewhat.
Yeah. It does.

Sheesh! So what am I blatherin' about?

I'm tryin' to 'splain what I'm talkin' about through my last post and the next. This one too, I reckon, but the last post and next one involves my dreams and my unconcious mind (at least the part I have been in touch with).

Hey, I know I ain't alone and I also know that you guys do hear, and prolly have had yer own silent screams runnin' around in yer noggin's.

I hear ya.

BTW, the movie: Silent Rage, starring Chuck Norris and the late Ron Silver is one of my favorite flicks. If you get a chance you won't be disappointed.
It's a deep but very emtertaining flick IMO and perhaps the best movie Chuck Norris ever starred in.

Every muscle, every nerve I got, it seems, has been screamin'.
Pain is an cruel mistress.
I often reach a point where I think "ENOUGH! I can't take any more!"

I'm certain y'all know what I'm talkin' about here. That's a lonely place to be and quite frankly, it sucks.

But those points can be THE POINT! The point in time where you do a gut check and...hopefully, choose to FIGHT!!!
That's a place beyond endurance, beyond strength, and beyond all that you think you can be.

A place where you BEcome mOre than you are!!!


julie said...

Take it easy, Ben, and keep fighting that good fight. I wish there was some way we could ease your burden, but until that time comes we're still here to hear. And to learn.

I hope you both feel better soon, and I hope Patti has a wonderful Mother's Day!

f/zero said...

Words fail, Ben. Fortunately we have a Holy Spirit who can interpret even that. You're in my prayers, for what that may be worth.

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Thanks Julie!

I'm really workin' on the take it easy part. :^)

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Thanks Dojo!

I am grateful for your prayers! :^)

And without the Holy Spirit...I would not be alive.

Mizz E said...

"COUNT THE DAMN PILLS NEXT TIME" - that's all that crappy pain is telling you. It talked to me last month too, it said: "DON'T SLEEP IN YOUR CONTACT LENS EVER AGAIN'" Got a staph infection and now a scar, but my eyesight, luckily, was not affected.

So sorry you've been having a rough time Ben.

Retriever said...

So sorry you have been in such pain, Ben, and am praying that it will be lifted from you.

I admire you for working so hard with your wife doing the spring cleaning anyway. Nothing like eradicating all traces of the rodents to give one a sense of accomplishment. Would that we could do the same with the critters infesting Washington...

We've wondered the same thing about droppings and hanta up north, when clearing out our place up there. We place petproof traps that SUPPOSEDLY the rats can't remove and cache the poisoned bait from, but I think that bringing our ferocioius ginger cat is the best way to reduce them. The mutt dog (perhaps part wolf?) hunts rodents too.

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Hi Mizz E!

I'm glad your eyes are gonna be okay. I never knew that about contacs.
Probably because I can't wear them since it's so difficult to get stuff in my eyes to begin with.
I go through a half bottle of visene before I can get one drop in.

Excellent advice about crappy pain! Thanks! :^)

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Thank you for your prayers, Retriever!

I think the probability of getting hantavirus is increased if it's in dust form, so the fresher the mouse droppings the better.

Cats are definitely the best first line of defense.
We used to use the bait but then a mouse dies in a wall and really stunk for awhile, so now we just use the snapping traps.

Our dachsi's have chased a few mice but they haven't caught any yet. I'm sure they could catch some moles if we let them but the mess ain't worth it, lol.

Thankfully, we have several feral cats around here so that also helps control the mice. :^)

Anonymous said...

Oh dear, Ben, I am holding you and Patti in my prayers always. I am quite certain that I would not be able to handle this kind of agony except with the help of the Holy Spirit...

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Thank you Gecko!

I concur. Without the Holy Spirit I would be toast.
Burnt and without butter toast.

After getting the pain meds renewed (and counting them) I have slept a lot and am now starting to feel much better.

On a side note, Patti is now sharing my computer until the WildBlue tech person fixes whatever is wrong with their little black box thingy.

She informed me today that dial-up is very slow.
I had no idea. :^)