Wednesday, February 11, 2009


Y'all might recal last summer, when I mentioned one of the undesirable sucky side effects of the AIDS meds I take.

Just to recap, this side effect makes my muscles contract. Think: tension that cannot be turned off by the mind. The good news is, this ain't stress induced by my mind.
The bad news is, my mind can't do bupkis about it.

This is bad enough during the time I'm awake. Naturally, this causes more pain and discomfort. It's even difficult to peck at my keyboard. Relaxin'? What's that?
This doesn't stop when I try to sleep either, which means restless sleep, which is really pissin' off my unconcious and concious mind (not to mention my overworked muscles which don't fancy the idea of non-stop isometrics). The conclusion is younanImous: Talk to Doc and get somethin' to stop this.

Doc has confirmed this ain't stress related, so he gave me some muscle relaxers last summer. They work great at relaxin' my muscles, but they also make me groggy or sleepy, which is why I stopped taking them in December. Now I'm back on 'em and I'm gettin' a refill to boot.

Anyhow, just bare with me. Doc said I may get used to them if I don't stop taking them (hint hint), so we'll see. I don't want my mind goin' on stroke in protest or nothin', so I promise to stick with 'em until the uber-evil, big drug companies make somethin' better.

I'm just bein' sarcasticly jokey there. I thank God for those big farmasuiticles, 'cause they work tirelessly, and invest there hard-earned moolah to invent new wonder drugs for little or no thanks, and contempt from the ungracious lefties. They even help folks who can't afford their drugs, including the ungracious lefties. So thanks, big druggy companies. You guys are alright in my book.

So like I said, please bare 'em for me...I mean bare something...or whatever. I'll be visitin' yer outstandin' blogs for youse guys who have one, whenever I fade in to luciditty. Luciditty in the skyayeyyy with diamonds...huh? Wha? Oh, sorry 'bout that. Where was I?


walt said...

Ben --

I'm afraid I have nothing to bare that you would be able to bear, so I'm afraid I cannot participate in your plea.`

Are you sure the Yakuza didn't slip something "extra" into yer grog? Ask yourself: was yer grog unattended the last time you ducked out for a pit stop? You know how fast those ninjas can be.

In fact, that's an old ninja saying: "You gotta be fast!" So, in the future, keep your grog with you wherever you go -- at all times!

Patti will understand, I'm sure.

Meantime, you could use the "Chemical Haze" to extrude complicated plot lines and intricate twists in the Noir Series. As you know, your loyal readers sit before your website clicking "Reload" for many hours a day, just hoping ....

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Hiya Walt!

You know, that's a damn fine idea you got there. A BUI, or bloggin' under the in-fluents just might work.
Or, how to fight Yakuza henchmen and relax at the same time.
Nothin' says relaxed more than killin' ninjas who need a killin'. :^)

Good safety tip, too. Never leave yer grog unattended...'specially around Skully.

julie said...

Ben, I'd bare something with ya, but I suspect both Patti and DH would have somethin' ta say 'bout that. Unless maybe it's an ankle or somethin'. Maybe a wrist? ;)

Howzabout I bare my soul a little instead, and say a few prayers that some kind of good solution can be found to help you through this?

Yeah, that's prolly a better idea :)


USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Hi Julie!

Aye, that's an excellent parsing of what I said and didn't say. :^)

I think I used up my quota's of bare's for the month. Thanks for the prayers! :^)

Joan of Argghh! said...

Aw, Ben!

I'm a firm believer in better living through chemistry.

Hang in there. If I didn't have a strict policy against it, I'd bare my soul on the Intertubes and tell all...


jwm said...

Well, I see that Walt and Julie got here first, so if there's still some room I'll join y'all at the table. Trouble with drugs- the farm and suitic all ones- is that they're usually a crappy buzz. But the other kind don't do much of anything good for you, so there you are. Sort of between a stone and a hard place. I have a brother who's got HIV, and some of the shit he's had to take just sounded awful. He's been going strong for a long time, though.
I know it took a lot of guts for you to talk about having AIDS. I really admire that.
I copped to having had the nervous breakdown the other day, and that was hard. Now I don't mean to imply any sort of equivalence there, except in the matter of 'stigma'. I always figure if I tell anyone the're going to think I either gamed the system, or was some kind of chickenshit, or- well, no point beating it into the ground.
Anyway, my friend- take yer pillz, and pretend they're dope. That way you can feel like you're getting away with something. Even if it is a crappy buzz. ;)

John M

QP said...

Major suckiness!! I've had a spasin' neck for a couple of weeks, which sorta allows me to imagine what it would be like to spase 24/7 ALL over -> major FTS fit I'd be throwin'.

Love ya and hope you're feeling much better S-O.O-N Ben.

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Hi Joan,
Thanks! Chemicals are purty cool sometimes. I'm fixin' to see how it mixes with grog after a bit of readin' n' commentin'. :^)

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Hi John,
I'm glad to hear your brother is doin' okay.

Stigma's are kind of a drag. It took me years to get the courage to not let this particular stigma keep me underground, so to speak.
The fear of rejection is strong.

It was a bit easier after our kids graduated and left home. My wife, Patti, has never been one to care what other people might think based on stigma's or whatever, and that was helpful to me, ha ha!

Once that ice is broke, it is so much easier than I ever imagined it would be. Sure, I met a few folks who wanted nothin' to do with me and said so, but they are few and far between, thankfully.

I'm certain you'll find that to be true in your case too, John.
I think as Raccoons we have all felt stigmatized at one time or another. Definitely irt religion or spirituallity.

"Metaphysics? Oh you're into that New Age stuff?" Not even close. :^)

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Thanks, QP!
I hope n' pray you feel better soon too. A spasin' neck ain't no fun. One thing I can say about these muscle relaxers, they are indiscriminate. My muscles feel like jello. does my brain. :^)

jwm said...

Jello, huh?
Jello is good.
Trade you a few hits for some Plavix, and I can get you a line on some Lipitor.


USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

0There's always room for jelo. :^)

Robin Starfish said...

I give my little pills names like X-Men, Buzz-Off, and Fuck-All. No wait, I don't take that one yet but they advertise it all the time on tv and it looks like a hell of a lot of fun.

Anyway, they help, and I'm a hard-core no-chem type of ex-hippie. I also hyphenate a lot. But I'd be down the dinkshoot without 'em right now, so you know what? Thank God those white lab coat guys are there when you need them.

And BUI is a great idea.


Gecko said...

Hi Ben,
Been diggin' and delighting in the Noir Lore series and anticipating what is next.Glad that those vicious farmisuedical companies are being of some help to you. Hope you can get some rest, Ben.

mushroom said...

Doesn't sound like fun, but it does sound like you have the right attitude.

I guess we could have a blog party -- everybody take something -- I'll have to use No-Doz and Benadryl -- and we'll like group blog.

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Hi Dojo,

Hey, that's a good idea, naming the pills. I'll hafta keep notes to keep track of 'em, but it adds some more humor to the mix. :^)

I gno first hand what the alternative is, and to be frank, it's just not appealing...the alternative that is.

As Skully is wont to say:
"It can always be worse."
When I discovered Skully he had gone several months wthout a drop of grog, so he knows of that which he speaks.

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Hi Gecko,

Thanks! I'll indeavor to keep this story interesting, with lots of aye candy but also a healthy dose of fieber n' stuff. :^)

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Hi Mushroom,

That's a brilliant idea. I think we did that once, long ago, but without (far as I know) the drinkin' n' druggin' part.
Perhaps Julie can send us some peyote. You'll be in charge of 'shrooms, and Skully has the grog...if he ain't drunk it yet.

Or we can jes be under THE INfluence, so to speak, with a side of whatever. I got aspirin too, which is really underated, IMO. :^)

Robin Starfish said...

Julie has peyote?

I've got some old banana peels if anyone's interested..